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The Poop Scoop
Anyone with roommates knows the frustration of the A.M. Bathroom Shuffle. That smelly game of musical chairs where you want to take time for your morning ablutions, but you want to avoid the stench of the morning deuce that preceded yours. Sometimes, you lose this game. Sometimes, you have to brave the wild and lawless... MORE »
USC Ruins Movies, Devastates Writer
USC has ruined movies* for me. Despite being a film major, it wasn’t the School of Cinematic Arts that destroyed the mirage Hollywood created in my pre-college days. Instead, I hold Bovard, Trousdale, Doheny, and VKC accountable. Hell, even Taper and GFS had a hand in killing the magic of movies. I present to you... MORE »
Michelle Duggar: Smarter Than Her Vagina Lets On
Does your vagina hang low? Does it wobble to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow? Can youthrow it o’er your shoulder Like a Continental Soldier? Does your vagina hang low? Normally, if I wrote about a family with 19 children I’d have lost my audience by the... MORE »
Week In Review: Get a load of the News on that guy!
Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan headlines DPS safety forum discusses student stress management, decreasing crime rates : Arguably, that second one could take care of both 1970 Los Angeles ban on throwing balls at beaches lifted : All my “MY BALLS, MY CHOICE!” posters must have worked! Onion editors address satire... MORE »
Shit to Read Whilst Shitting: A Series
So you’re sitting on the crapper. You’re trying to squeeze out all those Valentine’s Day candies you inhaled while watching BOTH Bridget Jones’ movies. You need a distraction. What better distraction than tales from the hood? Rappers have enticed us for years with stories of “going hard on a ho” and “sticky green” and “bling”.... MORE »
Our Boyfriends Have the Same Name
This is a belated Valentine’s Day gift. It’s not for you but you’ll probably enjoy it anyway. Happy 15th of February!!!! MORE »
Words with Friends with Benefits: An exciting new pastime
Even with Valentine’s Day freshly behind us, sexy sentiments continue to linger in the air thanks to a fun new pastime that recently came to my attention. Until now, Words with Friends was a game strictly reserved for people that had made a cellular commitment to allow only the one true iPhone they loved get... MORE »
A Brief History of St. Valentine: Patron saint of ruining new couples
The 3rd century Roman was martyred for forcing people who were dating to decide too early whether they wanted to commit to an expensive night of manufactured romance. He was slowly burned to death by a crowd of bitter singles and angry casual daters. FUN FACT: Stupid presents are a vestigial relationship tradition, invented when... MORE »
How to Treat a Girl on Valentine’s Day
Gentlemen. I won’t sit here and and blabber on about, “I know what girls want!” That’s a lie. No one knows what girls want. Girls don’t even know what they want. But I do know what girls don’t want. At least I think I do. Come to think of it, I’m not sure about that either.... MORE »