Does your vagina hang low?
Does it wobble to and fro?
Can you tie it in a knot?
Can you tie it in a bow?
Can youthrow it o’er
your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Does your vagina hang low?
Normally, if I wrote about a family
with 19 children I’d have lost my audience by the time they finished reading
the title. This is partly due to
the fact that kids are self-absorbed assholes. However, the Duggar family begs to differ. Nearly 20 kids have quite literally
been shot out of Michelle Duggar’s abdomen, and this woman is still trying to
procreate. Most recently the
Duggar family experienced tragedy when Michelle, 45, miscarried in December
2011 in what doctors are calling the first “zygote-suicide” ever.
If you’re not familiar with the Duggar
family, their claim to fame is the TLC show, “19 Kids and Counting,” formerly
known as “Hoarders: Infant Edition.” I bring up Michelle Duggar today because
there’s actually something to be learned from this baby-making machine. Michelle believes she holds the key to
a successful marriage: “wifely submission.” I gotta hand it to you, Michelle, I
like where this is going. Here’s a
summary of Michelle’s rules for “wifely submission,” in my own words:
1) Never Bring Up Husband’s Failures
Why bring up the past? What’s done
is done. If you’re nagging your
husband about something that has already happened, it will “crush his spirit”
and prevent future progress.
Bringing up the past will only create conflict”¦so get off his dick!
(Michelle, you might wanna pay particular attention to that last part).
2) Look at Him Admiringly When He Talks To Others
Make your man feel good. Stare at him, almost at an
uncomfortable level, to ensure that he feels you appreciate everything he has
done for you. Blink only if
absolutely necessary. (See Above).
3) Accept Him as a Leader
It is God’s will that your husband
will assume the major responsibilities of the household. Accept him as he guides you through
life. Accept him as your leader. And then, go make your leader a sandwich. He’s
hungry, and the game’s on.
Michelle, I think you’ve hit the
nail on the head with this one. If
future wives followed all these rules verbatim, they’ll undoubtedly lead a
healthy, soulless marriage. Mrs.
Duggar is smarter than her vagina lets on, folks. The three step program is leaving
most young males shouting: “Teach me how to Duggar, teach me teach me how to
Duggar.”
