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The 3rd century Roman was martyred for forcing people who were dating to decide too early whether they wanted to commit to an expensive night of manufactured romance. He was slowly burned to death by a crowd of bitter singles and angry casual daters. FUN FACT: Stupid presents are a vestigial relationship tradition, invented when... MORE »
David Steinberg was eager to get home from college for winter break; he couldn’t wait to celebrate Hanukkah with his family. “I love all of the family traditions,” he was overheard saying to his campus Hillel representative, “we light the menorah, sing Hanukkah songs, and play dreidel, what could be better?” David’s explanation seemed a... MORE »
My friend Becca Grumet recently portrayed her flight home as a plane full of smiling people in a Simpsons-opening-perfect sky. I. Think. Not. Air travel is an exercise in the willful torture of hapless civilians which manages, year after year, to escape the attention of the International Criminal Court. Let us throw off the yoke-like... MORE »
Jimmy Kimmel once again proves he’s a diabolical genius. He told his viewers to tape their children opening terrible Christmas gifts, then post their reactions on YouTube. No Legos or Xbox 360s, but a few half-eaten food items and random household appliances. And tears. Lots and lots of tears. MORE »
Ok, don’t panic. It’s not a big deal. Just Valentine’s Day. V-Day. Vagina starts with a v, and those things are awesome. Well, usually. Once a month, they”¦ No, never mind. They’re awesome. This is awesome. It’s an awesome day.Shit, no it’s not. I hate this day. Maybe I can buy her a Mayan calendar... MORE »