1.Bird: the most common of pee spots, Bird Library is perfect for the late night urination. With those secluded spots on the sides, it’s almost like the architect designed the place to double as an outhouse.
2.Link: If it’s early enough, Link will always be open with some nerd configuring an equation to maximize the triangulation of profits from blah blah blah, who gives a shit, you’re drunk and you’ve gotta drain the dragon.
3.A Bus Stop: it’s kind of a shelter. Granted, most of them are see-through, but if you’re drunk enough, a wall is a wall, transparent or not. It may be risky, but when the Golden Arches beckon, well”¦I’m lovin’ it.
4.Outside the party/bar: wherever you are, there has to be an outside. It’s science. Tell everyone you’re going out to get a beer. Instead of filling your cup with the golden goodness, fill Mother Nature with your own natural flavor. Or, go two-for-one and fill a cup with your goodness and give it to a friend you don’t really like. Tastes better than Keystone.
5.Dumpsters: With all of the construction on campus, there’s always a dumpster handy. And they provide the perfect cover for your pissing needs. OR, you can use the “dumpster” to its full potential. (If you don’t understand, just think about the name.)
6.Wherever You Are: if you’re drunk enough, it’s probably just going to happen. Outside on Euclid, inside a house on Euclid, inside a closet on Euclid, in your pants, whatever, you’ve gotta go. Just let it flow, my friend. Let it flow.
7.Inside the DPS Car: If you go with option 6, odds are you’re going to get picked up by a DPS car sooner than later. And if they stop you mid-stream, you’re gonna have to relieve yourself somehow. When life gives you lemons, make Poppa’s Special Lemonade in Officer Doofy’s Mobile Porta-Potty.
For anyone who needs to poop and doesn’t want to utilize the dumpster (as mentioned in #5), you can always take a road trip to Cornell.
