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Sorry I Gave You Herpes
Picture by
Alex Rosenthal
October 28, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Insomnia Cookies can turn bad news into DELICIOUS bad news. Amazingly, adding the cold sores to the smiley face's mouth was the employee's idea, not mine.
Syracuse students are HAPPY
This is Syracuse University’s edition of Pharrell’s “Happy”! The happiest students and staff took a break from the “Finals Week blues” and joined the Happy Team as we spread happiness all over campus. Thank you to each and every one of you who happily danced to lift our peers’ spirits. You are loved. MORE »
Syracuse student claims to be Hannah Montana
Sophomore PR major, Hannah Melton, claims to be the real Hannah Montana after getting her wisdom teeth removed. Has the real Hannah Montana been walking among us at Syracuse? MORE »
Boeheim Shits on Podium After Georgetown Loss
Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim walked to the postgame press conference podium after his reeling team’s 61-39 embarrassment at No. 5 Georgetown Saturday, undid his pants, dropped a steaming, rancid turd just below the microphone, and walked out. “You want an opening statement?” An irate Boeheim asked as he undid his belt. “Here’s my... MORE »
Pope resigns, realizes there is no God after hearing Pauly D will be playing at Syracuse University
Catholics around the world were shocked to hear that Pope Benedict XVI had resigned from his position as “THE CLOSEST PERSON TO GOD ON EARTH.” He tells sources at Campus Basement that the departure comes from fatigue, old age, and University Union’s Winter Carnival line-up. “They were hyping the students up, saying, ‘oh get ready,... MORE »
30 Rock and other shows insult Syracuse, must be destroyed
Tina Fey’s long running show, 30 Rock, will be airing its hour-long series finale tonight at 8/7 central on NBC. Let it be known that this was not Fey’s decision to end the show- it was the higher power of Syracuse University. Fey’s character, Liz Lemon, is the head writer of a variety show starring... MORE »
Phone Screenshots Officially Confirm Syracuse is Coldest Place Ever
Syracuse University students posted hundreds of smart phone screenshots of the city’s weather to social media in the past three days, officially confirming the city is “literally, like, THE coldest place ever.” The sheer number of screenshots showing temperatures that ranged from -65 degrees Celsius to 10 degrees Fahrenheit alarmed scientists, who quickly confirmed the... MORE »
The Differences Between Fall and Spring Semester
Welcome back to Syracuse everybody! You may be wondering what’s so different about this semester than the last, so we here at Campus Basement are proud to present our comparative guide to help you transition into the new semester. MORE »
Hockey’s Back! …and there was much rejoicing
I woke up today thinking it would be any regular Sunday: completely naked, my head laying over the side of my bed, desperately trying to avoid the sunrise shining through the pathetic excuse for curtains and onto my face. But then I saw the news, that glorious and long-awaited news, that the NHL lockout has... MORE »
Instagram User with 7,583 Boring Lunch Photos Concerned About Privacy
Instagram, the popular picture-sharing app that allows users to apply unique filters to their photos, was heavily criticized today for an update to its Terms of Use affirming that the company has the inalienable right to use any photos uploaded to the site for paid or sponsored content. Users of the app were outspoken in... MORE »
Walmart to Institute Hunger Games-Style Death Matches for Black Friday 2012
In an effort to ensure that this year’s shopper-on-shopper violence occurs in a more organized and entertaining fashion, Walmart has instituted new Hunger Games-style death matches for its customers on Black Friday 2012. Based on the popular dystopian novels in which a tyrannical government forces children to fight to the death in special televised events,... MORE »
Local Uninformed Idiot Guilted Into Voting By Facebook Friends
Election Day: Local dimwit John Thurpwood was guilt-tripped by his Facebook friends into visiting his designated polling place and voting in the US presidential election today, despite not knowing anything about the candidates or their positions on various political issues. “I wasn’t really going to vote since I’m not into politics and I didn’t watch... MORE »
Area Man Already Ate Entire Supply of Snacks Collected for Hurricane Sandy
10/29/12, 2:47pm – Brooklyn resident Gordon Dumpkin finished a family size carton of Utz Party Mix, half a box of White Cheddar Cheez-Its, a 6-pack of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, 2 fun-size cans of Sour Cream ‘n Onion Pringles, a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket, some Skittles, and a banana. MORE »
Obama and Romney Agree to Disagree, Cancel Final Debate
US presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney have mutually decided to cancel the final televised debate tonight, citing the fact that no matter how much they argue back and forth, there’s really nothing they can say at this point that will change each other’s or viewers’ minds and they should probably just go ahead... MORE »
Quinnterviews: Awkward Questions to Ask Potential Roommates
Quinnterviews is a new segment from mtvU covering all of your favorite college-related topics, from finding a roommate to finding true love (preferably not both at once). Sit back and enjoy as Emerson senior Quinn Marcus asks unsuspecting strangers some hilarious and occasionally uncomfortable questions about what to look for in a roommate. Get More:... MORE »
Homeless Man Sleeping Outside Apple Store Presumed To Be In Line For iPhone 5
Local homeless man Garvis Cocktooth recently became something of a media sensation after being crowned by news outlets as “the first person in line for the iPhone 5.” Cocktooth, who has been living on a pile of unfolded Domino’s Pizza boxes outside the Apple Store for the past three years, is completely dumbfounded by his... MORE »
All Olympic Competitors to Receive Medals After Complaints From Parents
Following a flurry of angry calls and emails from parents of Olympic athletes, the International Olympic Committee has discontinued the 118-year tradition of only awarding the top three competitors of each event with gold, silver, and bronze medals. As of Friday, all London 2012 Olympians will automatically be given a gold medal just for participating... MORE »
Upbeat Pop Song About Partying is a Huge Hit With Young People
BREAKING: A song centralized around partying, drinking alcoholic beverages, and generally having a good time has proven to be a massive chart-topping pop hit this week. The catchy tune was written and sung by a popular artist who has already had at least one or two Top 40 hits covering similar subject matter. The new... MORE »
Apple Unveils New 60-Inch Touchscreen Television
At a press conference last Friday, Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed what could be a game-changing new product in the TV marketplace. You’ve seen touchscreen phones and tablets, but Apple is looking to be the first consumer electronics company to release a touchscreen television set. “If there’s one thing we’ve learned from iPods, iPhones, and... MORE »
I’m a JIM: A Tribute to Jets Islanders Mets Fans
It’s depressing being a fan of all of New York’s B-Teams. Life is hard when you prefer Hunt’s ketchup over Heinz, Friendster over Facebook, and Hydrox over Oreo. MORE »
New Music Video: Cuse Life
Check out this new SU music video from Ethnically Challenged, featuring some impressive quad frisbee throwing. MORE »
Goodnight, Sweet Prince: A Tribute to Rick Santorum
Well, friends, it’s been a hell of a journey. But the world’s number 1 comedy source for the past six months or so has officially run dry. Former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has “suspended” his campaign, forcing political satirists to stay at work past 5pm for the first time since he announced his candidacy.... MORE »
BREAKING: CAMPUS BASEMENT IS NOW PUPPY BASEMENT
Dear readers, It’s been well over two years since Campus Basement was founded at Syracuse University as the go-to source for college news and entertainment. Since then, we’ve expanded to over 10 new schools and built a writing staff that spans coast-to-cast, from USC to Mizzou to Columbia University. We’re proud of what the Basement... MORE »
Invisible Children Founder Caught Masturbating; Realizes He’s Not Literally Invisible
Jason Russell, the face and voice behind the massively viral Kony 2012 video, was arrested in San Diego Friday afternoon after allegedly masturbating in public and vandalizing cars, presumably in a state of intoxication. The Kony video was released through the civil rights organization Invisible Children, a group dedicated to exposing Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony and bringing him... MORE »
The Awareness 2012 Campaign: Are You Aware?
Be sure to purchase an awareness kit for 10 easy payments of $49.99. MORE »
Nicki Minaj Turns Down Offer to Perform at Super Bowl: “I Can’t Fit in a Bowl”
Grammy-nominated hip-hop artist Nicki Minaj got into a heated Twitter fight with Syracuse University students yesterday after a student tweeted her asking if she would be performing at Block Party, a yearly concert event that takes place in the university’s Carrier Dome and holds upwards of 50,000 people. Block Party has previously hosted such big name acts... MORE »
College Freshman Meme Kid Graduates; Still Naive and Full of Optimism
If you’ve been following your college’s “Memes” page on Facebook, you’re probably familiar with UNH student Griffin Kiritsy, whose fresh-faced, pathetically earnest smile is the butt of the popular College Freshman meme joke. To put it into non-internet nerd language: college students use his photo as a template to share brief, humorous anecdotes about things... MORE »
New Fraternity Pledge Shocked to Realize Brothers Lied to Him During Rush
Now that Syracuse University’s IFC spring rush period has finally come to an end, aspiring Greeks around campus have officially made the coveted transition from GDIs to worthless maggot pledges, prepared for the toughest physical and mental challenge of their college careers. Delta Theta pledge Marc Nason, however, was caught off guard to learn that... MORE »
Mel Gibson Candy Hearts
Happy Valentine’s Day! For all you boyfriends and girlfriends out there, love is in the air. For the rest of us, at least there’s Xbox 360, OkCupid, and old Dashboard Confessional albums still lingering on our iPods from 10th grade. Actor Mel Gibson, on the other hand, had quite a productive day. I heard he... MORE »