1. Greet
    the card-swiper at the front desk, even though she will NEVER greet you
    back, and make your way upstairs
  2. Sprint
    through the basketball courts, pretending you don’t see 16 pairs of eyes
    glaring at you because your big toe touched the out-of-bounds line on
    their court, causing the short Asian kid to miss the layup that he was
    never going to make anyway
  3. Approach
    the sign-up desk
  4. All
    the sign-up sheets for treadmills/bikes/elliptical machines are full, even
    though there are 4 people on them
  5. Attempt
    to go on a treadmill without signing up
  6. Get
    reprimanded by a girl who weighs 68 pounds and clearly hates working at
  7. Make
    your way to the free weights
  8. Remember
    why you hate free weights
  9. Make
    your way to the weight machines
  10. Keep
    moving right on past the machines because you’re the only guy over there
  11. Oops.
    You accidentally wandered over to the basketball court. Pretend you want
    to play and shoot for teams.
  12. You
    made your shot, but somehow you got fucked over by the guys on the court
    and they’re not letting you play in the game.
  13. Sit on
    the sideline and wait for the game to finish.
  14. Discover
    that they’re all done playing once the game ends.
  15. Head
    to Kimmel.

Good workout!