How to Exercise at Archbold Gymnasium
- Greet
the card-swiper at the front desk, even though she will NEVER greet you
back, and make your way upstairs
- Sprint
through the basketball courts, pretending you don’t see 16 pairs of eyes
glaring at you because your big toe touched the out-of-bounds line on
their court, causing the short Asian kid to miss the layup that he was
never going to make anyway
- Approach
the sign-up desk
- All
the sign-up sheets for treadmills/bikes/elliptical machines are full, even
though there are 4 people on them
- Attempt
to go on a treadmill without signing up
- Get
reprimanded by a girl who weighs 68 pounds and clearly hates working at
Archbold
- Make
your way to the free weights
- Remember
why you hate free weights
- Make
your way to the weight machines
- Keep
moving right on past the machines because you’re the only guy over there
- Oops.
You accidentally wandered over to the basketball court. Pretend you want
to play and shoot for teams.
- You
made your shot, but somehow you got fucked over by the guys on the court
and they’re not letting you play in the game.
- Sit on
the sideline and wait for the game to finish.
- Discover
that they’re all done playing once the game ends.
- Head
to Kimmel.
Good workout!
Syracuse head coach Jim Boeheim walked to the postgame press conference podium after his reeling team’s 61-39 embarrassment at No. 5 Georgetown Saturday, undid his pants, dropped a steaming, rancid turd just below the microphone, and walked out. “You want an opening statement?” An irate Boeheim asked as he undid his belt. “Here’s my... MORE »
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Photo taken by Caleb Brewer MORE »
Seriously? Is this really happening? Let me get this straight: Melo, and I’m completely guessing here, skips a few classes and now he’s ineligible for the tournament? Seriously? I’m going to guess yet again and say that Melo is not the first Syracuse athlete to fail to meet certain academic requirements like going to “class,” or turning... MORE »
From studying for finals to partying your ass off (literally?) to discovering that there are no jobs for you once you leave so you might as well just keep partying, this is May’s first Around the Web! Sorry For Partying: https://bit.ly/IGEX07 College Candy: 1 in 2 College Grads are Unemployed/Underemployed [Current Events Cheat Sheet] https://collegecandy.com/2012/04/30/1-in-2-college-grads-are-unemployed-or-underemployed-current-events-cheat-sheet/... MORE »
It’s Friday! Time for some awesome stuff from our friends around the web! Sorry for Partying: https://www.thes4p.com/surviving-420/ College Party Guru: https://collegepartyguru.com/games/pages.php?link=Drinking_Monopoly TUN.com https://www.facebook.com/theuniversitynetwork MORE »
Coming to you today is a very special Tuesday edition of Around the Web! Mostly because we forgot to do one on Friday. Enjoy! TUN.com Are you sexy and you know it?! University of Missouri will be. Grindstone Fitness Studio offers their students unlimited yoga, spinning, and kickboxing classes w/ full membership for $53.58/month.... MORE »
Check out the latest stuff from Around the Web! TUN.com Having a party in your dorm room?! At Stella’s Pizza, located near Temple University, it’s $14.95 for 2XL pizzas, $12.75 for 2 LARG pizzas, and $9.65 for 2 SML pizzas. Wanna make it into a block party?! Get 3 any size pizzas, get the fourth... MORE »
It’s getting to be that wonderful time of the year. Flowers are blooming. Finals aren’t quite here yet. And Rick Santorum is beginning to show his true colors (or hatred for people thereof). Ah, spring time. And of course, with spring comes a dreaded time for high school seniors, anxiously awaiting notice from a university... MORE »
The year is 1992. Bill Clinton has just begun his non-scandalous term in office. Aladdin is dominating the box office while people argue that this whole Disney animation thing is “just a phase.” And Microsoft released Windows 3.1, forever solidifying its place as the best computer software ever. In essence, 1992 was nirvana. Because “Smells... MORE »
The Syracuse Orange have made it to the Elite Eight without star center Fab Melo, who, a few weeks ago, became ineligible for the NCAA Tournament due to academic reasons. Without the seven-footer in the paint, the Orange have relied on clutch performances from Scoop Jardine, Kris Joseph and Dion Waiters. Tonight, though, the Orange... MORE »
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Seriously? Is this really happening? Let me get this straight: Melo, and I’m completely guessing here, skips a few classes and now he’s ineligible for the tournament? Seriously? I’m going to guess yet again and say that Melo is not the first Syracuse athlete to fail to meet certain academic requirements like going to “class,” or turning... MORE »
The bracket has been set for all of 31 minutes and already Syracuse sophomore Paul Pitt has allowed the madness to take over him. According to sources, Pitt has neglected to shower for four straight days and has consumed a mere two meals in those 96 hours. “Of course I’m concerned about him,” said roommate... MORE »
If you’re looking for St. Patty’s ideas, trying to accept your obsessive pop culture disorder, or working on preventing yourself from more horribly drunken hook-ups, then look no further. It’s all in this week’s Around the Web. Sorry for Partying: https://thes4p.com/blog/article/557/just-say-no-to-drunken-hookups I Don’t Feel Bad About It: https://idontfeelbadaboutit.blogspot.com/2012/01/obsessive-pop-culture-disorder.html College Party Guru: https://collegepartyguru.com/themes/pages.php?link=Luck_of_the_Irish MORE »
Mahwah, New Jersey-In a whirlwind decision, Ramapo College administrators agreed that starting this semester, the college will no longer give students a Spring break. However, in an experimental move that will either garner high praises or arouse copious concerns, Ramapo will being giving all school faculty a Spring break. This includes professors and administrators, as... MORE »
It’s Friday, which means it’s time for us to feature some awesome content from our friends around the web! In this week’s edition, you can find out some techniques for dealing with your roommate (homicide is not an option, although if you’ve successfully pulled it off, I’m sure people would love to know how…), calculate how... MORE »
Alan Panzer, Syracuse Class of 2008, misses room 206 in Sadler Hall. “That place was the best,” says Panzer, who lived in a split double. “I had windows! And a desk! And I could walk around! I remember at the time being so angry and thinking, “This is the tiniest room in the world.’ “I... MORE »
Happy First Friday of Lent! Oh, it isn’t a happy day? My bad. Well now it can be happy, because we’ve got some gifts from our friends around the web! If you’re looking for that special place to swap spit and other things (Pokemon cards?), check out Sorry For Partying. Getting ready for Spring Break?... MORE »
Yo yo yo! Whasup, my linjas? Is that racist? Shit, if that’s racist, I’m sorry, dawgs. My b. But I’ve got a wicked case of Lin fever. Like, I went to the hospital and they said I had a 103º fever, “most likely caused by a venereal disease.” Which I’m assuming is doctor-speak for Linsanity.... MORE »
Check out the latest and greatest from our friends around the web! Whether you’re angry about McDonalds being out of chicken McNuggets, looking to reminisce about how amazing Titanic was, looking to throw a party without smelling bacon, or interested in learning what kinds of hangovers there are (hint: they’re all bad), this week’s links answer... MORE »
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Gentlemen. I won’t sit here and and blabber on about, “I know what girls want!” That’s a lie. No one knows what girls want. Girls don’t even know what they want. But I do know what girls don’t want. At least I think I do. Come to think of it, I’m not sure about that either.... MORE »
