For the first time in Syracuse
history, a student attempted to add a class (no, it wasn’t Camping 101). And it resulted in yet another
crash for the SU servers.

 

On Monday at 9:41 PM, less than twenty-four hours from the
Tuesday add deadline, freshman Molly Bulinski logged on to MySlice in the hopes
of adding MAX 123 to her already sated, 17-credit schedule.

 

What followed was utter chaos.

 

Just as Bulinski clicked “Submit,”
the screen informed her that an error had occurred. Her computer then began to
roar, the fan speed increasing to Mach 9 as her computer struggled to request that
MySlice read code that it was not prepared to read. After all, no one had designed the program to operate in such a way that students could actually add a class. And up til now, no student had ever ventured into this realm.

 

The server soon gave up and,
without warning, a loud explosion was heard. Sirens echoed down Irving Avenue
as the Syracuse Fire Department sped toward the wall of flames coming from the
Life Sciences building where the IT department is located. What few people
remained in the building were already rolling on the grass outside when SFD arrived, putting out their
own personal fires and screaming, “WHY?!” at the tops of their lungs.

 

Why? Because some newbie tried to add
a class to her schedule.

Inside Bulinski’s dorm room in
Flint Hall, her computer had disintegrated, disappearing into thin air.
Shortly thereafter, DPS officials arrived at Bulinski’s room to cart her off to
a holding cell. As she was cuffed and dragged through the halls, her peers
could be heard yelling, “Teacher’s pet!” “Nerd!” and, most hurtful of all, “If
you love MAX 123 so much why don’t you marry it?”

 

Sources say she will soon be
charged for Overachieving, a minor felony in the Syracuse community.

 

“I didn’t know,” said the teacher’s pet, “I just thought I’d try to take as many classes as possible and
get stuff out of the way, maybe graduate early and get out of school.”

 

It just goes to show you: don’t
rush it. All those PSAs from the “90s said it best: “Don’t be a fool, stay in
school.”

 

Seriously. Stay as long as you can.

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