It would appear that Ramapo students are checking out more than books this Fall. In an attempt to keep up with current times, the George T. Potter Library has put forth a ‘Call/Text a Librarian’ program, where students can contact these book-loving employees on their personal numbers to ask their most annoying questions.  No one (everyone) expected that these numbers would be used not for library related questions, but for prank calls.

After one drawn out request for librarian sex, an employee in her forties actually agreed to take up the offer, changing the game forever. As time goes on, more and more  of these lonely women are responding to the booty call needs of young Ramapo students.  “I had my first experience last night,” explains junior Alec McAlarnen, “Awkwardly enough, I saw my librarian this morning in Pav.  Her giant glasses were still askew, tight bun slightly disheveled, knee socks inside out; it was kind of a scary sight. Those ladies are into some weeeird shit.”

Librarians admit to responding to various texts, such as the following:

“hmu if ure bored”

“gud thing i brought my library card cuz im checking u out lol”


“I had one disappointing encounter last week,” reveals one of the more popular booty calls, Barbara, “I got a text asking to learn about the Dewey Decimal System, which I assumed was code.  Turns out he actually wanted to figure out how book sorting worked.  He was pretty confused when I took out my bondage stuff as his punishment for ‘talking in the library.'”

Thanks to one carefree student, seminars on how to appropriately go about these ‘Book Booty Calls’ will be starting next week.  “I really should have used a book cover, because… well, let me just say she’s going to charge me 10 cents everyday she was late!”

While most librarians are thrilled about the attention, a few just want some peace and quiet.  “I wish everyone would stop calling me,” sighs Eunice, one of our senior librarians, “I don’t want to look at anyone’s ‘secret bookmark.’ I just want to watch my programs.” Will this trend ever stop? Who knows. But as long as librarians continue to wear their conservative outfits and hair in the least sexy way possible, students are intrigued.

On an obviously incredibly related  unrelated note, a completely unaware President Mercer is thrilled with the recent environment of the library.  “All of our librarians have been so relaxed and enthusiastic as of the past few weeks! They must be spending more time at our new Spiritual Center.” Little does he know, that very same Spiritual Center is a handjob hotspot.