Thanks to the recent surge of nice weather here in Ithaca, there has been a surge of “sports” that have been taking place across our hallowed slopes. Frisbees, footballs, and even kites have been seen flying through the air due to the April weather, but the most interesting sport that has been displayed is this incredible and anticipated spring ‘sport’ slacklining. For the record, this isn’t a picture of the slackline kid in question, it’s just a picture of my friend showing his incredibly crunchy side. Don’t worry ladies, he’s not gay (so i think). Also, his number is 908-787-…. almost got you. But those are seriously the first 6 digits.

For those of you who do not know what slacklining is (aka everyone who is not crunchy as fuck), it is the “sport” of walking between one tree to another on a taught wire. The wire can be anywhere between 1 inch beyond (1 inch is the recommended setting because it’s awesome (not really)), and you walk from one tree to another without falling off of your “line” of rope which is secured to both trees.
The current slack-line champion, a kid whos name shall not be mentioned because I make fun of him every day on the slope, said this: “It is a lot harder than you think. Like I have to walk across a rope only using my insteps. They create orthopedics for old people like that. And those people have no chance of making it across my slackline! Fuck 65 year olds, I can do this awesome shit now.”
Writers note: out of the 5 times he tried to walk the 20 feet between trees, he fell well before halfway each time.
Surprisingly enough, there were a few spectators who wanted to see this man in action. Also surprisingly enough i got his girlfriends number because slackline walking is incredibly lame and boring, but don’t tell him I said that. Or his girlfriend (can’t wait till our date at Antlers!!).
A spectator Sean said, “He looked like he knew what he was doing. I mean, it was obvious he hadn’t been laid in a while, but he can almost walk the entire way across a taught string. All the power to him! I also gave him a ‘How to get laid book’, but he didn’t understand why. I guess girls flock to guys who slackline. Oh shit, what am I saying??? HAHAHA”
Sean also called him a “loser” and a “virgin”, but those are just direct quotes.
A female that walked by, Sarah, said that she admired slack-line-walking man’s courage.
“He really puts in work for what he believes in,” she says. “Itmakes me way less closer to wanting to have sex with him, of course, but at least he has good balance. Maybe he can try men for a while and hook up with a gymnast! They have good balance too – a good dick balance”
Keep up the good work, Slack Line Kid