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February 22, 2012

That Girl

Oh, the joys of my college years. T’is given me the opportunity to meet so many types of people and get to know them (mostly by Facebook stalking). Alas, t’is also implies forced cohabitation with some of the most unlikable people on this watery earth. Now, as we advance, it seems like we meet fewer of these people and... MORE »

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January 11, 2012

My Sadly Un-Slutty Self

As a very different breed of girl, I have always admired the ‘slutty’ girls at Halloween. While my fellow females display what is, at first glance, characteristic snappy bitchiness and exaggerated sense of self worth and piety, I prefer to look at these girls as showing what is superlative of the “weaker sex.” I look... MORE »

Article by gpsmonkey
January 4, 2012

Student Sues Campus Post Office After Misplaced Package

It was a typical day for Dan. He woke up on a Tuesday morning and began getting ready for his boring 9:00am history class with Professor Rooney. Only one thing was different for Dan that morning: today was the day his new Fleshlight came in the mail. Over $70 and 3-4 weeks of raging anticipation,... MORE »

Article by gpsmonkey
December 20, 2011

Bryant Plans to Hire Rod Blagojevich in 2026

Former Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, was sentenced to fourteen years in federal prison several weeks ago on charges of mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery while in office. Yesterday, Bryant announced that Blagojevich will be added as one of the university’s newest faculty members “immediately following his departure” from prison. As a... MORE »

Article by gpsmonkey
December 18, 2011

STUDY: Stress of Final’s Week Distorts Student Perception of Bad Food

If you are a student at Bryant, you know that finals week occupies 99% of your grade during 1% of the semester. Accordingly, you have focused all of your time and effort to not failing any of your courses. What you have missed is obvious miscues from several branches on campus. We have highlighted just... MORE »

Article by Sdolph2
December 8, 2011

Douglas and Judith Krupp Library to hire library investigators to track down missing books

In the upcoming weeks students will be preparing for final exams and most of their time will be occupied in or around the Douglas and Judith Krupp library. The library has coincidentally noticed that many books from shelves are missing without having been taken out. A librarian intern who requested not to be named says... MORE »

Article by gpsmonkey
November 27, 2011

Students Rave About Trojan Brand’s “Bear” Skin Condoms

Trojan Brand Condoms’ newest product launch, the Trojan BareSkin condoms, has been one of this year’s hottest new items in premarital pregnancy prevention. The new product claims to be 40% thinner than the leading brand and made of traditional latex materials. One of the largest misconceptions (no pun intended) of the new Trojan BareSkin condoms... MORE »

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Article by gpsmonkey
November 17, 2011

Thesis: Mario Kart as an Emulation of Marxist ‘Communist Manifesto’

Senior Sociology Majors Mario DiGiorgi and Daisy Jepsen teamed together to reveal a stunning discovery in a popular video game. The dynamic duo presented a riveting thesis that drew expansive lines which concluded that the new Mario Kart game for the Nintendo Wii is a thinly veiled mask for the Marxist Communist Manifesto. The following is... MORE »

Article by gpsmonkey
November 10, 2011

“New” Bryant Center Reportedly to Become Hogwarts Replica

  Reports of a “new” Bryant Center have been the talk of the Bryant University campus for the past couple of weeks. Since its resurrection in the mid-1980s, the Bryant Center has had little to no renovations to keep up with the rest of Bryant’s more modern appearance. Outdated furniture, limited office space, unsatisfactory dining... MORE »

Article by Sdolph2
November 8, 2011

Sports: Little sisters of the poor draws in exhibition games against Bulldogs.

A group of nuns are very upset about a common phrase using their organizations namesake. They were especially resentful when Gordon Gee (Commissioner at Ohio State University) commented that in the Big 10 football conference “We don’t play little sisters of the poor,” obviously implying that nuns who are part of this organization are weak... MORE »