In the wake of the new allegations about harassment
allegations, GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain is seeking assistance from a
familiar ally. This isn’t the first allegation on Herman Cain’s record. An
unnamed source believed to be from Pizza Queen in Providence Rhode Island has
commented saying that “”¦godfather pizza was harassing [Pizza Queen] with
competitive prices and superior customer service”¦”

The man who sold the cigarette to the man who spoke in
Herman Cain’s storied advertisement says, “I don’t have any facts to back this
up but I have seen Herman Cain with several fine looking ladies, and I don’t
think they were being harassed, know what I mean? I mean he was into it don’t
get me wrong, but isn’t nothing wrong about what he done.”

An unidentified source has confirmed that Herman Cain’s
Lawyers have indeed contacted the lawyers for the Clarence Thomas trial in
which the judge was alleged to have placed pubic hair on someone’s beverage. The
Thomas team has denied commenting, however a closely involved paralegal has
said that Cain’s main objectives are “to deny the allegations and make shit

Bryant University legal studies major and radio personality
Hugh Moore has said that “this plan of action is not only beneficial for
avoiding further conflict but is also congruent with Cain’s current philosophy
and ideology about almost anything.” Another student has said that she is
contemplating adding her name to the suit citing a rather “stringy” anchovy
pizza that she recalls as possibly having pubic hair on it. It is unknown as to
whether the hair was Cain’s or Thomas’ however it was at a Godfather Pizza
which leads us to think it was the former.

“The fact that these women are accusing me of such actions
is strictly un-American,” Cain said in an interview with a local New York
public access station.