Senior Sociology Majors Mario DiGiorgi and
Daisy Jepsen teamed together to reveal a stunning discovery in a popular video
game. The dynamic duo presented a riveting thesis that drew expansive lines
which concluded that the new Mario Kart game for the Nintendo Wii is a thinly
veiled mask for the Marxist Communist Manifesto. The following is an
excerpt from their research paper:


has been revealed through the careful study of various scholarly sources that
the Nintendo Wii video-game Mario Kart has conclusive ties to the socioeconomic
ideology known as communism. There are many underlying systems within the Mario
Kart republic which emulate the very pragmatic institutions found within any
communist-based social order.  The results have been revealed through
many peer reviewed independent studies which draw a strongly correlated
meta-analysis of various Mario Kart manuscripts. Through both qualitative
and quantitative research methodologies, it has been concluded that the very
institutional framework of the Mario Kart society delineate connections found
within Karl Marx’s Communist Manifesto. Mario Kart reproduces the
social, political and economic ideology that aims at the
establishment of a classless, moneyless, revolutionary and stateless
socialist society structured upon common ownership of the means of


Mushrooms (which come in four varieties: Single,
Triple, Golden, and Growth) symbolize the general drive of the working class,
e.g. the bourgeoisie, in a perpetuating struggle. The mushrooms always seem to
help but rarely do, as most players will shortly find themselves unable to
wield the powers they hold, and may even see themselves dropping in place after
their use. The Bullet Bill is premeditated as a designated source of
power to those categorized within the proletarian or lower class status. The
giant bullet which pulls struggling players to a higher position within the
social order creates what many theorists call a “welfare driven system.” 

The Star, which creates temporary
invincibility, has been determined to be a familiar icon of communism. The star
also symbolizes welfare structures as it is often awarded to those in lower
places, and can immobilize those who have worked to attain a self-actualized status.
The Blue shell or Spiky Shell is the ultimate equalizer and
draws characteristics of a self-regulating symptom of social conflict. Its
primary purpose is to attack the prosperous and high achieving members of the
social system, merely for the fact that 1
st place achievers
stand at a higher status. While the blue spiny “socialist’ shell only hits the
first player, its secondary effects often trickles down and hurt second and
third class figures, especially if they represent a close struggle.


it is not just coincidence that Mario is a spitting image of communist
patriarch Joseph Stalin (see our “Pictures” section for an example).


DiGiorgi and Jepsen say that there is much
more research to be done both in other versions of Mario Kart and in other
Nintendo franchises. This may be a discovery that will seriously aid our
efforts to maximize homeland security. The team won first prize at the
colloquium and will go on to compete at a regional conference. Mr. Nintendo
failed to comment on the thesis findings.