Let’s Talk About Sex: A recent poll indicates that 29% of young adults has never had sex. Of the 71% who has engaged in sexual activity, 94% has had sex with Charlie Sheen.

Let’s Not Talk About Sex: Brandon Davies, a member of the BYU basketball team, was dismissed from the team this week after admitting that he had sex with his girlfriend. Davies’ actions violated the school’s “Abstinence before marriage” policy, which was modeled after Duke’s “No hookers with big mouths before the season is over” policy.

Pineapple Express: Cokey Cohen, a Yale blogger, called out James Franco for his “lackluster” Tweeting during the Academy Awards, saying, “Your Twitter sort of sucks.” Said Franco in his defense, “Dude, I didn’t even know I was at the Academy Awards. Snoop Dogg even called me to say, “You looked high as shit!'”

Sexual Healing: Students studying human sexuality at Northwestern University witnessed a woman get naked, climb on stage, and pleasure herself with a sex toy. When the professor was asked how this demonstration was relevant to his class, the professor asked, “What class?”

Accepted: The “University of Redwood” was invented to con prospective students into paying an application fee, only to be rejected weeks later. Said John Harkes, a student at NYU who pays $40,000 in tuition, “Hey, at least those kids have an excuse for getting ripped off by the promise of higher education.”