Less than a week before the major BCS Bowl Games were to be played, the computer system used to rank the Top 25 college football programs crashed. The unexpected events destroyed the computer’s hard drive, taking with it any and all evidence of which teams were poised to play in the Rose Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Orange Bowl, Fiesta Bowl and the elite BCS Championship Bowl.

“To be completely honest,” said Bill Hancock, Executive Director of the BCS, “we are absolutely, 100% unprepared for such a situation. I’m not going to sit here and blow smoke up your ass. No one at the BCS has any clue how this computer works.”

Added Hancock, “I’m pretty sure it was invented in the “70s by the Russians, so we’re especially fucked if that thing starts spewing nuclear waste everywhere.”

Fans, athletes, and pundits alike are equally perplexed by the fact that no one throughout the entire nation has any knowledge or recollection of how to proceed with the BCS Bowls without the use of the official computer that selects teams based on factors such as strength of schedule, conference, and number of wins.

“It’s really no big secret,” said Walter King, the top Technology Officer at the BCS. “No one here pays any attention to the games. We just punch numbers on a keyboard and ship the results off to the media. That’s why there can’t be a college football playoff: we have no idea how it would work. And since the computer is too old to reprogram”¦well, it’s not gonna happen.”

For now, the BCS has devised a plan to enact in the event that the computer cannot be restored.

“We did the most logical thing we could think of,” said Hancock. “We took all 120 FBS teams, put their names in a hat, and picked the Bowl Games.”

So hopefully, everyone is excited for the heavyweight BCS Championship Game on January 10th between the University of Idaho and Central Michigan University. Set your DVRs!