Sex is to college kids as milk is to cereal. College kids want sex, and some claim to need it to fuel their lives, and cereal doesn’t really get too far without milk. There’s no denying that college kids love their sex, and will go to great lengths to partake in its acts. One act in particular occurred right here in good old Kimmel Hall””shocking, I know. It all started one evening when I was hanging out in Kendra and Sasha’s room, when we heard some commotion in the hallway and became suspicious. Kendra and Sasha are both totally different personalities””I’m talking polar opposites. One, Kendra, is reserved, studious, and narcoleptic, while the other, Sasha, parties hard and has perfected the art of sleeping in a different bed every night, while still managing to make it to class on time at eight AM the next morning. This habit was more prevalent last semester, but that’s beside the point. Sasha and I are the only two Jewish girls on our floor, thus we are nosy (no pun intended), and always see it fit to get the 411 on everyone and everything. So of course when we heard a noise we had to take a peak through the peep-hole to see what all the fuss was about. Nothing. We saw nothing. Now we were both confused and intrigued, as we knew something was happening””but what? Then we heard it””our first clue””the bathroom door slammed and as the hinge folded, we were out the door and into the bathroom faster than a stay-at-home-mom into a Gucci sample sale. When we caught our breath, we immediately held it again to assure we wouldn’t laugh loud enough to be detected. We waited about thirty-seconds until we realized there was nothing to be seen, so we left with our hopes of discovering some new juicy information crushed.
About an hour passed, and it was time for me to brush my teeth, so I walked to the bathroom and positioned myself in the bathroom at one of our lovely three sinks often lined in food and hair. I was brushing away when I noticed something odd””the curtain to the handicap shower was closed, and the water was on. Now, not only was it about two in the morning, but no one, and I mean no one uses the handicap shower. The nozzle is all messed up, the drain is moldy, there’s a germ-infested bench, and it is just an awkward shower in general. The other two showers weren’t in use, so why would anyone be in the handicap one? I was puzzled, but I needed to find out immediately, so I ran into Sasha and Kendra’s room once again to share my findings. Sasha grabbed her toothbrush before I could finish my sentence and we both found ourselves in the bathroom using our investigative skills””pretending to brush our teeth while we made faces at each other with hopes of finding out who was in that shower stall and why. We began to feel down on our luck, but then I saw it””the curtain moved! A sign of life! But the question of which life still remained. Sasha moved to the side to peek in””I admire her courage””and discovered that the person in the shower was actually the people in the shower! Two to be exact! And they were fully clothed! I couldn’t understand, for the life of me, how this was possible, or why this was possible. It was clear in both our minds that further investigation was required, so we stopped to gather our thoughts.
After some brainstorming and critical thinking, we came to the conclusion that we had no conclusion, so we left the bathroom and returned to Sasha’s room with faces full of disappointment. Then, something miraculous happened””we both had an epiphany! “Let’s stare at the bathroom door until we see someone come out!” we both suggested. So we did, through the peephole of course to further remain anonymous in our research, and then saw the likes of Mary and her apparent boyfriend Harold. I say apparent because they claim to be exclusive, but fight like inmates on death row, and I just so happen to see her maki