THE SITUATION SON AQUI!
In fantastic news yesterday, the Cornell Convocation Committee announced that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from the hit MTV Show, Jersey Shore, will be the keynote speaker for the graduating class of 2012.
The news comes as less of a surprise due to the success of Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi at Rutgers University. Snooki’s speaking engagement was universally hailed as a great investment, and everyone agreed that she was the smartest meatball they had ever encountered.
The head of the convocation committee, Harris Cohen, argued that Cornell students had much to learn from Sorrentino about “what life is really like on the shore.” Cohen added that The Situation would relate well to the students at Cornell from New York and New Jersey (everyone), and had even agreed to demonstrate how to scare off bullies by ramming your head into a concrete wall.
His payment fee has been rumored to be a can of hair lotion and a couple of hot Italian chicks who are “down to smush.” “Worth every penny,” said Ben Dover ’13; “I have always wondered how he became even more of a douchebag than the ivy league frat bros we have here. I’m just excited to learn from him”¦ and maybe even get the latest update on my favorite couple, Ronnie and Sam ;)!!!”
The Situation’s visit will likely cause little to no drama because he doesn’t believe in that stuff; nonetheless, it seems like we are gonna have a situation here.