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Cornell Store Makes A Wish That Students Will Buy Their Garbage
The Cornell Store admitted today that all items offered in the 11/11 sale were actually worth less than $11.
Said one Cornell employee, "If any prospective students are stupid enough to buy one of those goofy-looking hats for $11, I won't feel bad selling it to them."
Avicii to Appear at Pixel After Cornell Concert
On Saturday, September 22nd, Avicii will be performing at Barton Hall in honor of homecoming weekend. Cornellians are extremely excited for his performance that night, which was made evident when tickets to the event sold out in a record 35 minutes. Many were upset that they weren’t able to get tickets, but now, they will... MORE »
Cornellians on the Harvard Cheating Scandal: “Why can’t our school be that easy?”
Recent news reports that about half of the Harvard Class of 2012 is under investigation and at risk for losing their diplomas for illicit collaboration on a TAKE-HOME final exam (seriously) has left Cornell students scratching their heads. “The New York Times article says that ‘students were tripped up by a course whose tests were... MORE »
CU Student Looking for Missing Girlfriend
People go missing all the time, but it is a rarity at Cornell for someone to go missing. Unfortunately, some student cannot find his girlfriend in Uris Library. On Friday morning, dozens of signs appeared all over the library with a picture of a blonde girl and a phone. The phone number is a Georgia... MORE »
Cornell to Buy Joe Paterno Statue for $10 Million
With all the drama that just occurred, Penn State was fined $60 million dollars by the NCAA, with all proceeds going to charities benefitting abused children. To pay for this fine without affecting tuition costs for current students, Penn State held a silent auction for the legendary Joe Paterno statue on Monday. The winning bid... MORE »
Cornell’s 5 New Rules for 2012-2013
As things happen and time flies, Cornell adjusts its’ rules every year to make sure that students study in a happy, stress-free environment. This year is no different, as Cornell has placed five new rules in effect for the coming school year. Here is a breakdown of all five: – No sunglasses inside classrooms... MORE »
Tupac Hologram? No, But Cornell Gets Churchill
Earlier in 2012, Coachella debuted the Tupac hologram, which was the first of its’ kind. Tupac was seen rapping on stage, but it was all done through lights and computers. It’s a concept that many people want to make popular due to the possible educational benefits brought to the table. Cornell, nonetheless, has invested in... MORE »
Study Shows C.U. Has Most ‘Paper Gangsters’ in U.S.
Somewhere in between the wigs, hats, and jockstraps in the back of her closet, Lady Gaga once coined the term ‘paper gangster’. A paper gangster is defined by Urban Dictionary as a bulls*** fake wanna-be who tries to be ghetto, thinks he/she is from the streets, and is a punk-ass mother****** who should be listening... MORE »
Foote to Be Honored by Cornell
In 2010, Cornell basketball had an amazing season and went all the way to the Sweet 16. A large (extremely large) part of that run was then-senior, NBA D-League All-Star and current member of the New Jersey Nets summer league team, Jeff Foote. Foote was the big center that every team craves. He rebounded, blocked,... MORE »
Lock Your Doors: Mice on Loose as Lab Window is Broken
Over the years, Cornell University has done a lot of research on mice and how they are affected by certain factors. Thousands and thousands of mice are kept by many labs on campus, but in a special area where they will never escape. The word never is very strong, but not always accurate, as 2,500... MORE »
Big Red Hockey v. Clarkson; Cornell Can’t Get It In
This article is the first in a potential series detailing the Cornell hockey games from the perspective of a huge Cornell hockey fan who also enjoys humor. This Saturday night I sat in the press box with fellow CB writer apost (who knows nothing about hockey as you will soon see) and detailed the game.... MORE »
Looking for a Cute Halloween Costume?
Looking for a cute last-minute halloween costume? You will be sure to look skinny in this brand new costume design. Who says America has an obesity problem? Please don’t wear this. Also, severely judge anyone who would. MORE »
Cornell Commencement Speaker Announced: We Are Gonna Have A Situation Here
THE SITUATION SON AQUI! In fantastic news yesterday, the Cornell Convocation Committee announced that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from the hit MTV Show, Jersey Shore, will be the keynote speaker for the graduating class of 2012. The news comes as less of a surprise due to the success of Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi at Rutgers University.... MORE »
Campus Police Run Out of Donuts, Issue 143 Jaywalking Violations
This Monday afternoon, Cornell campus police faced the unthinkable when they ran out of fresh Wegmans donuts. The police officers campus police were sitting in their parked cars near the intersection of College Avenue and Campus Road when they discovered that they had eaten all of their donuts. “Well we were just sitting there minding... MORE »
Cornell Scientist Researches Positive Effects of Wine Tours
Wine Tours embarked upon by members of Cornell students can not only be enjoyable experiences, but they can also be healthy for the physical soul as recently evidenced by Cornell scientist, Gordon Bombay. The study by Bombay concluded that the effect of the grapes that were turned into the wine would produce effects that were... MORE »
New Fraternity Regulations Lead to Two Closings
The regulations that have been passed by the university administration against Cornell fraternity chapters were shown to be serious yesterday when it was revealed that these restrictions have already led to the shutting down of two organizations. It has been learned that the regulations, which placed more stringent restrictions on hazing as well as banned... MORE »