This article is the first in a potential series detailing the Cornell hockey games from the perspective of a huge Cornell hockey fan who also enjoys humor. This Saturday night I sat in the press box with fellow CB writer apost (who knows nothing about hockey as you will soon see) and detailed the game. If you enjoy the article, please share it, like it, or print it out and quarter-card it on ho plaza so that I know to do more. I would love for this to be both funny for everyone and helpful for the Lyanh faithful; let me know what you think in the comments section!

7:04 P.M.- Start of First Period

20:00 Maybe next year Kanji.

16:34 The Lynah Faithful acknowledge that they have, in fact, heard the Clarkson band when they chant “we can’t hear you .”

16:01 Stoppage of play. Good band plays a song. Clarkson douche with a cowbell needs attention.

13:00 Stoppage of play. Shitty band plays.

7:32 Does anyone else feel bad that we shit talk BU so much behind their back?

6:58 Cornell PP., Clakrson hooking penalty. Miller, Esposito, D’Agostino, Ryan, and Ferlin get majority of pp time.

3:07 Ouch.

2:28 Ref with a mustache is still here. Please, shave that thing.

1:59 Nice interception and slapshot by McCarron.

1:00 Thank you!

0:21 Great opportunity by Miller

End of Period

Shots: Cornell 9, Clarkson 4.

Where is Zambonie Dave? And why doesn’t this guy at least dress up a little, come on.

Cody Rosen is scratched. The Islanders drafted him and not Andy Isles? Great scouting Garth.

Second Period

18:50 Morely is stickless. Insert dick joke here. (Get it… Insert…)

18:36 Great look from Ferlin off the line change.

15:52 Rebound straight to Bardreau in the slot. Can’t put the follow up in.

14:49 Mihalek loses the puck for no reason and is checked. You deserved that.

12:54 Cornell chance right in front. They are being a tease again.

12:20 Icing anybody?

12:10 Oh but now, it’s icing on Cornell. I see how it is.

11:45 Musings by Alex Post: When are they not icing the puck? I mean they are playing on it, duh.

10:20 Axell creates an opportunity by himself skating to the net.

9:43 Cornell penalty. Collins for boarding (surprise!) Why is the Clarkson band playing hound dog instead of jailhouse rock?

9:09 Miller kills almost 30 seconds of the penalty by himself. So under-rated.

8:40 Why do the townies always get the coupon to the Boatyard Grill. And now I’m hungry.

7:46 Penalty-kill ends. Shut up sieve!

7:42 I always bring my cowbell to fights too. Kind of like Brick from Anchorman.

6:10 Jilson, Mowrey and Bardreau= shortest line in the history of hockey.

5:05 Cornell penalty results in Battle of the Bands. Penalty to Miller, boarding.

4:50 Mihalek and Axell create a shorthand attempt. Ross and Birch on D for most of pk. Collins and Lowry also get time .

3:02 Miller takes out Clarkson player on his way out of the box.

0:22 Isles skates from side to side. Clarkson band/groupie dancers boo, Cornell fans cheer.

End of Second Period

Cornell really needs to get it in. Great puck possession so far though.

Shots: Cornell 20, Clarkson 10.

That guy in Section O sucks- somebody didn’t get enough hugs from mom. Spotted: Collin Greening Senators jersey. Sweet, but I’ll still take Moulson any day.

Alex Post musings: The press box is like pixel at 12:45 on a saturday night.

Third Period 8:30 P:M

1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4. Sieve, you suck, we’re gonna beat the hell out of you.

19:23 Clarkson Penatly Burke for tripping. Ryan, D’Agostino, Miller, Mowrey, and Ferlin on the ice.

McCarron, Collins, Bardreau, Whitney, Brisson next.

17:09 Bands are so immature.

15:21 Penalties to Fredrick, McCarron for un-sports mans-like conduct. Cornell opportunity straight off the draw.

15:00 Alex Post Musings: Instead of negative chants I think we should do positive ones. Like, “Cornell University… ROCKS! Let’s give peace a chance”

14:37 Lynah faithful names specific family members of the opposing goalie and informs the Clarkson sieve that they said “You suck.” Those kids are legit stalkers, must be Canadian.

12:47 Ross loses the puck right in front of the net from rear stick lift. Isles makes close-range save.

12:32 Stop making fun of community colleges, I transferred from one.

12:09 Clarkson holding penalty to Morley.

10:06 Cornell penalty for too many men on the ice. Served by Rodger Craig. First time he has left the bench all year.

Musings by Alex Post: “Too many men on the ice! Whats a girl to do?”

8:08 Cornell sousaphones. Why is the order die, drop dead, and go home? Anti-climactic, no?

6:32 Jilson centers to Mowrey, unable to connect.

4:56 Somebody farted in the press box. Please get me back to section B.

3:11 Cornell penalty Brisson for tripping. Just in time to potentially blow a game we were in control of the whole way. Aexll, Birch, Ross, Bardreau on the ice; followed by Miller, D’Agostino, Ryan, Axell again.

2:07 Clarkson timeout. Safety cowbell.

1:30 Rise and unite townies! I command thee!

1:00 Warning (We really should have won this game in regulation.)

Over-Time 9:05 PM

I wish we had won already… but at the same time, how can you say no to bonus hockey?

4:36-32 Clarkson with two scoring chances in a row.

3:37 Esposito almost kicks it directly into the Cornell goal. Ironically, one of the best save made by Isles tonight.

2:46 Clarkson breakout by Morley, Birch with a solid defensive play to end the threat.

2:12 Clarkson two on one rush. Great save by Isles. Clarkson is creating a ton of offensive chances in OT. Thankfully it wasn’t like this all game.

1:21 Icing on Clarkson. Get on your knee and chug, bitch.

1:19 Clarkson tries to cheat by getting thrown out of the circle and then line changing off the icing faceoff. Caught!

0:53 Puck goes into the stands right by the Harry Potter scarf girl.

0:48 Cornell timeout. When was the last time you went to a hockey game with two timeouts?

0:11 I wish they did a shootout in the ECAC. Not that they are fair or anything, but they would be amazing to watch so close up.

0:00 Great game, need to win those though.