Your sorority is having its annual philanthropy event, and your sisters put you in charge! Wow, what a real opportunity to bring about meaningful change for those afflicted with a terrible disease.
Just kidding — it’s tank time betches! Here are 7 easy steps to make sure your sorority’s event tank goes off without a hitch:
- Pick a deserving cause. Or just pick something that isn’t all icky, you know? A disease people want to help combat, but something that’s not too sad for the tank medium: Try hiccups, tendinitis, or the common cold. If all else fails, pick a disease that’s already on its way out the door (e.g., leprosy). Together we can beat this thing. Really.
- Sex sells. Staying sexy while philanthropicizing is no easy task. But forget about propriety — insert as many overtly sexual logos, references, and phrases into your rugby tournament for destitute arthritic babies. It’s all for the kids, haters.
- Find a pun. It’s not a good event — or tank for that matter — without a jazzy pun. Feel free to use your sorority’s letters (PhI Delt-ya Poker Tournament Against Mesothelioma) or the affliction itself (Nu Sigma Gamma Takes on Athlete’s Foot-ball). Eyes should roll.
- Use bright colors. Diseases are sad, but not if you use hot pink. A sparkle a day keeps the doctor away. Keep the base tank color unisex though — white, black, red or blue. You’re going to want to sell them to unsuspecting pasty-armed freshmen wandering the DUC.
- Pick the right climate. Make sure your event falls during tank season, or else you’ll have to opt for long-sleeved tanks instead. What do you call them? Oh yeah, shirts.
- Advertise. It’s time to change your profile picture to your tank’s JPEG counterpart. And don’t forget to include a dumb song lyric as the caption: LiGhTs wiLL gUidE U hOmE & iGniTe ur bOnEs & I wiLL tRy 2 fix U. Terrific.
- Wear ’em proud. Until the date party tanks come in zOMG!!!!
