Consider my Campus Basement writing cherry popped!
With the semester coming to a close, I thought I’d steer
clear of finals for my first article here. Finals are like my beloved
Washington Redskins: they suck. So, I thought it best to avoid them and to
focus on next semester. And, if you’re anything like me and/or watch the TV
show Community, you’ll be looking for a class for you and your band of misfit
friends to take together. I’ve compiled a list of nine classes to take next
semester based solely on their names, as well as three to stay away from at all
costs. Happy registering!
Classes to take:
Architecture 409C ““ Watercolor Painting for
Architects, Urban Designers & Landscape Artists
This class only proves my closed-minded theory
that the architecture major is simply drawing happy little trees with Bob Ross.
Art 438D ““ Communication Design: Illustrated
Fiction ““ A Sustained Investigation
Talk about killing three birds with one stone!
Not only will you learn communication design (which I assume is how to make a
Power Point?), you’ll also learn how to illustrate children’s books. And, as if
you needed more than you, you get basic detective work training!
Anthropology 3304 ““ Bones to Behavior:
Undergraduate Research in the Lab and at the Zoo
Hmm, bones to behavior sounds kind of cool, but
undergraduate research in the lab? That sounds like the kind of thing that
would take a lot of work and””I wanna go to the zoo!!!!! Yay, the zoo!!!!!
American Culture Studies 4120 ““ RAINBOW
RADICALISMS!: ETHNIC NATIONALISM(s), THE 1960s AND THE POLITICS OF THE NEW LEFT
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS CLASS IS ABOUT BUT I HAVE
THE ATTENTION SPAN OF AN AVERAGE CAMPUS SQUIRREL AND THE CAPITAL LETTERS GOT ME
REALLY EXCITED. “¦REFRIGERATOR.
Film 118 ““ Freshman Seminar: Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang
Bang: James Bond in Film, Literature and Popular Culture
You had me at hello. I am proud to say that I
attend a school at which I can take a class where the words “Kiss Kiss Bang
Bang” are featured prominently in the class’ name.
Physical Education 258 ““ Spinnin’
Much like the Reading Rainbow class right above this one, I don’t actually know what this class is about. What I do know is that
there is an apostrophe where there should be the letter “g”, clearly the administration’s
attempt to appeal to the hip crowd. Message received.
Philosophy-Neuroscience-Psychology 366 ““ Art and
the Mind-Brain
Art is not something that really appeals to me,
but I can only assume the “Mind-Brain” is an omnipotent, all powerful form of
intelligence that only a select few (read: Batman) have gained complete control
over. Count me in.
Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies 105 ““
Introduction to Sexuality Studies
I’ve actually heard pretty good things about
this class, but I can’t imagine anything is better than catching a seat in the
back row, and watching half the males come to the sad realization that nobody’s
gonna drop trou and start going at it in the middle of class.
Mechanical Engineering and Materials Science 342
““ Heat Transfer
As you may have noticed, IT’S FUCKING COLD. What
better way to beat the chills than to snuggle up next to your favorite nerd and
transfer some heat? Note: tried to think of dirty joke for this. Failed.
Classes to stay away from:
Biology 348 ““ Emerging Infectious Diseases
Do I need to explain this? Be smart and stay healthy,
friends.
Religious Studies 49JK ““ Advanced Seminar in
History: Blood & Sacred Bodies: Ritual Murder & Host Desecration
Accusations
I think this class gets the award for Most
Horrifying Name, without question. As awesome as it sounds to a given
demographic, I placed this on the “Classes to stay away from” section, because
inside sources (read: Batman) have informed me that this class is not actually
real. The professor put JK in the number to let people know.
Electrical and Systems Engineering 141 ““
Introductory to Robotics
I am of a firm belief that robots will be the
destruction of mankind as we know it (see: I, Robot, or the Terminator series).
If you choose to speed up that process by learning how to make them, you shall
be dead to me. Which, given the fact that we’ll all be dead once your robot
takes over the world, may not mean that much to you. Take it with a grain of
salt.
So, I hope I’ve provided
you with enough brain food to last you til dinner. Share the food with your
friends (bottom left corner)! Til next time, I’m Abed Nadir, telling you did
you know you could make napalm out of just common dish soap and cat food?
Sorry, another Community
reference. It happens.
