The ever
exciting Involvement Fair was in full swing as enthusiastic clubs and
organizations lured involvement-hungry students in with promises of
philanthropy, a good time and melted oreos on a day that felt like being inside
Satan’s dryer. 

the pattern of Involvement Fairs everywhere, no booth visit was complete
without the obligatory signing of the official-notebook-paper emailing list.
What most students didn’t know is that this year, those signatures will carry a
little more weight than expected.

Thanks to
a university-wide initiative to boost both student involvement and responsibility, all signatures
collected at the Involvement Fair will be counted as binding contracts
requiring students to actually be involved with everything they signed. Those
that fail to do so could face serious consequences such as expulsion or no more
milkshakes at Ground Zero.

This came
as particularly bad news to Justin Normand, a freshman who unwittingly signed
up at every single booth.

don’t know what I’m going to do,” choked Justin through panicked laughter. “I
was just being nice with the signatures, but between the five a cappella
groups, four improv troupes, 6 cultural dance teams, the Jewish society,
Christian club, 20 professional orgs and I can’t even remember the rest, I’m
gonna have to drop all my classes,” he said. “Not to mention the Asian
sorority’s gonna be a challenge.”

isn’t the only one who suddenly has a lot on their plate. Tiffany Garrington,
senior and president of the Super Elite Club, has her own set of problems
thanks to the initiative.

supposed to be able to reject 90% of the people that sign up! We don’t actually
have enough things for 80 people to do!” spluttered Tiffany through tears.
Suddenly, a frighteningly calm look came over her face before she continued,
“unless some of them”¦disappear“¦”

The whole
situation seemed pretty dark until we finally realized that the power had gone
out, probably on account of the soul-melting heat outside.

USC students will find a way to make the best of this. Maybe next time though,
people will think twice before getting involved.