UNIVERSITY PARK CAMPUS ““ A day rarely passes when junior
Brock Duncan does not make it to the Lyon Center gym. “It’s kinda my thing,”
said Duncan, speaking to reporters on Thursday. “But, you know, no big deal or
whatever. Just staying in shape. I’m not trying to discuss how many reps I can
do at 225 on bench. I mean, no one cares if it’s six, seven, or eight ““ eight
being the actual, correct number.”

His shirt not only has the sleeves cut off, but enough of
the sides are cut off so that a good portion of his chest and abs are visible
from almost any angle. The shirt barely holds together.

“It’s good to be relaxed. I don’t need to tell people I go to
the gym every afternoon “¦ well, six days a week. Gotta rest for a day, of
course. Even God didn’t work out every day.” Duncan gives a nonchalant hair
flip. “Anyway, what was I talking about?”

Wearing brightly colored shorts, sandals, and sunglasses,
Duncan has to pause occasionally to look at his reflection in windows or other
reflective surfaces.

“Oh yeah, so people don’t like to be beat over the head with
it; they can tell if a guy likes to exercise “¦ particularly by alternating
cardio and weightlifting.”

Although he tries to strengthen all parts of his body,
Duncan admits he probably spends extra time exercising the most important
muscle. “My mind is where it’s at. I see guys up in here doing squats until
they can barely walk and I’m like, “yeah bro, I’m down too, but only after I
hit the books and shit.'”

Duncan majors in sociology.

“I’m a super intelligent dude who has more on his mind than
just working his beach muscles “¦ which would be primarily the biceps and

One of Duncan’s pet peeves is those douche-bags who hang
around and just won’t stop talking about how ripped they want to get or how
many pounds of lean muscular tissue they have gained.

“If someone comes up and asks me some good ways to work the
abs, of course I’ll tell them it’s good to do sit-ups on an incline because
then your muscles are constantly exerting. But I will never just voluntarily
offer up that information when no one wants it.”

Duncan often carries a protein shaker with him to class.

“You know, because when your muscles are resting, your body
should be recovering and building more mass. Men’s Health told me to do that, not a big deal,” said Duncan,
taking a swig and wiping his mouth with his bare arm. “I think it was in the issue
with that guy from The Transporter on
the cover, so yeah, of course I’m going to take his advice.”

According to his friends, Duncan is a pretty “chill” about
most things.  “He drinks a lot, but also
goes to the gym a lot, so it pretty much evens out, I think,” offered roommate
Alex Mertag.

“When we’re pumping iron together, it’s not always about
what we’re going to max out on next. Sometimes we’ll even talk about other
things,” stated casual spotter Peter “PJ” Jingleman. “Like girls and how they
like guys who work out regularly.”

“Brock? Brock Duncan? “¦ Oh no, I was thinking of a different
Brock. I don’t think I know him,” said Gracie Cranshaw, recently single
sophomore. “He’s buff? Ya, I mean I might know him if I saw him.”

Concluding that nobody likes an arrogant meathead, Duncan
politely excused himself by raising both arms, flexing them, and pointing in
opposite directions with his fingers. “Wait, are the bathrooms over there, or
over there?”