Girls want to be them. Guys want to be with them. Some guys even want to be them, too.
As it turns out, TriChi, the sorority that everyone claims is “so hot” is, in fact, extremely hot.
“They’re all tens,” said Nick Angelakos of the sorority in question. “Seriously, I would inject rabies into my bloodstream just to get a glimpse of one of them in her underwear.”
The sorority has 46 members, all of whom—according to sources””are “drop dead, murder your grandmother gorgeous.” Playboy, FHM and Sports Illustrated all want to offer them modeling jobs, but know that the TriChi girls “will reject us because they’re way out of our league.”
One girl, Joanna Harpsburg, claimed that TriChi girls “aren’t that hot,” but it was later revealed that Joanna Harpsburg is “a jealous skank who nobody likes.”
In addition, most of the girls, regardless of the fact that they rarely attend class, will land high-paying jobs straight out of college. The jobs will not be earned based on merit, but rather on what HR representatives are calling the “Sweet Jesus” factor.
“I interviewed Rebecca Jones, a member of TriChi,” says one JP Morgan Chase HR rep. “I don’t remember a word she said because I couldn’t stop staring at her.” Added the rep, “I gave her my job on the spot and I’ve been living out of my car ever since. But sweet Jesus was it worth it.”
This semester, thousands of girls will attempt to pledge TriChi, but only a select few will get in.
Rebecca Johnson, president of the University of South Carolina chapter, says that a number of factors play a role in who gets selected, including amicability, intelligence, and “ability to make men sell all their worldly possessions just to smell her hair.”