Dorm showers can make it pretty tough to “Axe” your “body spray.” The temperature and pressure fluctuate just enough to make it feel like you’re being peed on by a man in his 70s with an obvious prostate issue and, most likely, there are dorm mates taking poops that may very well star in Paranormal Activity 4. It’s not exactly the ideal environment.
Still, it’s better than trying to get your “meat and greet” on in your own dorm room, where your roommate is most likely wearing nothing but those weird boxers with dancing bottles of ketchup on them and halfway through eating a box of Cheese Nips for breakfast.
If the shower’s all you’ve got, you might as well try one of these:
(Note: I’ve used “she” and “he” for simplicity’s sake. If you’re a “he” and want to do this with another “he,” or a “she” with a “she,” by all means go nuts. Or”¦the female equivalent of nuts. Go ovaries?)
1. The Tommy Pickles: She aims both feet inward but doesn’t really stand upright all the way. He uses his Tommy pickle.
2. The Mission Impossible: She wedges herself up between the two side walls, putting her hands on one side and her feet on the other, facing down. He drops down from above and hacks into her system. Just don’t sweat on her, dude, that’s gross. (Note: Can be done vice versa, with her playing Tom Cruise and him playing the computer, but facing up. Or not facing up, no judgment.)
3. The Sushi: You’re both wet, salty, and there may or may not be a piscatorial aroma in the air; roll into a ball and let everyone know who’s the big fish in a very, very little pond.
4. The Lindsay Lohan: He’s stolen your heart. You wrap your legcuffs around his waist and then your lovecuffs around his”¦waist.
5. The Rubber Ducky: If you’re fortunate enough to have a tub (or unfortunate enough, depending on how you feel about tubs), Bert-and-Ernie it. No one needs to tell you how to get to Sesame Street!
Disclaimer: these positions are not meant to be tried at home. Your parents would be there, that’s disgusting.
Photo by nist6ss
