A team of psychologists recently wrapped up a high-profile,
nationwide research project that concluded that repeatedly chanting a person’s
name ““ particularly teens and college students ““ increased their likelihood of
giving in to peer pressure by 100 percent.

A subject placed in the control group was situated in the
basement of a frat party beside a large beer keg and asked to stand idly by,
without partaking in any party-related activities. With the exception of a few
dirtbags who couldn’t listen to simple instructions, subjects in this group
primarily did not engage in the drinking
of alcoholic beverages.

Conversely, a subject in the experimental group was
placed in a similar scenario, but with an added obstacle: other guests within
the vicinity were asked to coerce the subject into performing a kegstand, largely
by mass chanting the subject’s name repeatedly, clapping, cheering, and calling him
a “pussy” amongst other things.

The subject in question submitted to the peer pressure after
approximately 30 seconds of chants including “JON-NY! JON-NY! JON-NY!” and “HERE
WE GO JONNY, HERE WE GO (CLAP CLAP)” Other remarks that likely amplified the peer
pressure included Frank’s personal promise to Jonny that doing a kegstand would
definitely get him laid.

After Jonny finally completed his keg stand, he was then
further coerced into inhaling a massive bong hit, doing a shot of tequila,
shotgunning an additional beer, and finally exhaling the aforementioned bong
hit. Further chants from the crowd, and being called a “total bitch” by Frank further
convinced Jonny to engage in yet another kegstand, followed by a series of six
consecutive shots of Black Velvet. Jonny did not get laid that night, but
provided very conclusive evidence supporting the psychologists’ theory.

When asked for comment, Frank called Jonny a “girly man” and
continued chanting Jonny’s name to no avail. Jonny did not reply for comment.