A recent study indicates that drinking a large amount of alcohol has a direct relationship to the likelihood of you hooking up with that weird girl in your psychology class, the weird girl who wears sweatshirts with ducks on them and who randomly eats cottage cheese in the middle of the lecture.
Scientists monitored the actions of twenty students, ten of whom consumed a regular amount of alcohol, nine of whom were “pretty fuckin’ drunk” and you, yes you!, categorized as “shitfuck drunk” after consuming three cans of Four Loko, two forties of Olde English and six shots of Captain Morgan’s Lime Bite.
Of the twenty students, nineteen were able to resist the urge to hit on Cat Breath Girl, most likely because her breath smells like a cat’s. You, however, were incapable of restraining yourself from making out with the girl who is convinced that Harry Potter is a real person. Which also explains why she kept calling you “Voldemort” when you used your “magic wand” in her bedroom.
On second though, it doesn’t explain that. Nothing explains that. That’s fucking weird.
Scientists have chosen not to address the fact that you started to hit on the girl prior to consuming any alcohol, chalking this up to the fact that you either really like duck sweatshirts, or you get turned on by the aroma of Friskies.
