If you’ve noticed the lack of plates in dining halls over the last week, you’re not alone.
Before you jump to conclusions, don’t worry, the dining halls quality didn’t decreased. (Hard to do when you’ve hit rock bottom.) So who’s to blame for this dish deficiency?
80 degree weather and a 325% increase in Ultimate Frisbee rates.
“ It’s a natural reaction to an increase in Vitamin D. Skin gets tanned, hats become backwards, and eyes become sunglasses.” said Department of Bro-ology Brofessor Gejs. “The brain sends out hormones that increases the Frisbido and people have a natural urge to throw discs.”
Stores sold out of Frisbees within the first three hours last Monday, leaving many stranded on campus with blue hands, a result of unfulfilled discular needs. Desperate and hopeless, Frisbee-deprived students turned to anything they could. Thousands of plates were stolen from the dining halls, while mayhem ensued in the weight training rooms.
“Yeah dude, it’s survival of the fittest, y’know? I gotta get my Frisbee fix, you can’t just leave Frisbee-like objects around me like that. That’s like leaving a deer carcass to the wolves man,” said some douche probably named Chad.
As the weather returns to typical Syracuse climate – see: FUCKING FREEZING – plates are returning to dining halls, albeit with grass stains and dirt patches intact. Dining Halls have ordered hundreds of squared-shape plates for impending sunshine. No word from Archbold Gym on whether or not they intend to purchase square-shaped weights.