Monica Shriever just graduated in May of 2010 with a
Bachelor of Science in Astro Physics. But on Monday, it was discovered that
Shriever, who ended her four-year term at Syracuse with a 3.87 GPA did not attend
a single class.
“I’m not really sure how it happened,” says Shriever. “I can
tell you that I am just so damn cute that, most likely, the professors felt
guilty giving me anything less than an A minus.”
Some of Shriever’s professors harkened back to her time
(not) spent in their classes.
“I remember Ms. Shriever quite well,” said Marcus Andersen,
a professor in the language department. “She enrolled in my Hebrew 101 class
and she never came. I remember that because she was supposed to be the only student
in the class. Instead, it always ended up being me sitting alone in a room for
an hour, waiting.”
Added Andersen, “She always sent me the cutest e-mails,
though. She even figured out how to dot the letter ‘i’ in her name with a heart! She was so damn
cute, I had to give her an A.”
Syracuse officials have also confirmed that Shriever never
paid to enroll at the university, instead receiving a full Marilyn Monroe
Scholarship.
It has been unconfirmed whether or not such a scholarship
exists.
Shriever has thus begun working at NASA, focusing on future
missions to Mars and Jupiter, although she has reportedly not shown up to a
single day of work yet.
“We’re still waiting on Ms. Shriever to arrive,” said NASA
Administrator Timothy Grand. “To be honest, I don’t even think she’s in the
area. But she can really come and go as she pleases. I remember her from her
interview, she was just so damn cute!”
