On Saturday, the Syracuse Orange
men’s football team defeated Akron in a 29-3 blowout. The victory marks one of
the few Orange victories on the gridiron in the last few years. Last year, the
Orange finished with four wins, only one of which came in the Big East. This
year, the Orange are already 25% of the way there, and, surprisingly, the
Syracuse community is not pleased.


“It completely ruined my Saturday,”
said sophomore Vaughn Graham. “I expected to wake up hungover, plop myself down
in front of the TV, turn on the Time Warner channel, and watch us get killed. I
wanted to see dropped passes, fumbled hand-offs and maybe a dozen sacks on our
QB. Winning that game”¦it got my hopes up, which is a very bad thing for a
Syracuse football fan.”


Sharon Verde, a junior at SU, had
similar sentiments. “I’m not gonna lie, I was dead set on doing some
anger-drinking on Saturday. I had tons
of breakable objects around, I bought a piece of shit TV that was begging to
have a hole punched in it, and all I wanted to do was drink heavily and break
shit.” Added Verde, “That fucking football team never does anything right.”


Doug Marrone, now in his second
season as the Orange head coach, did not improve matters for Verde, or the rest
of the disappointed Syracuse community, with his optimistic attitude and his
desire to win more games.


“I was all set to win one, maybe
two games,” said Verde of Marrone’s expectations. “Now my mind is all screwed
up and I’m starting to think that maybe we have a chance. It’s not good. I’m
hoping this is all squared away next week with Washington, or else I’m going to
sincerely consider transferring to a school where my expectations are met.”