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Top 6.5 ways to get people to go to Basketball Games
It’s just a known fact that people attend football games more than any other sport here. Hence volleyball, wrestling and other unattended sports are free to get into. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the 300 pound brawny men wearing spandex, could be the excessive amount of pre-gaming that occurs before the game starts or... MORE »
Cainthology: Songs in the Key of Cain
Tim Heidecker, one half of the comedy due Tim and Erik, can no longer contain his deep, throbbing passion for whom he refers to as his lord and master, Herman Cain. After attempting to earn favor with Cain via twitter, Heidecker is now looking to gain Cain’s attention with his new EP, Cainthology: Songs in... MORE »
Guys. That building across the street from Engineering West is totally haunted. I’m serious.
Hey guys, just got back from doing a psych study and boy do I have a story to tell you. You guys know that building on campus that used to be a hospital, right next to Lafferre Hall; you know, the one right across the street from the Engineering West building? Well, whatever that building... MORE »
Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, ‘Cause MU’s Meal Plans Are Gettin’ Errbody Out Here!
This past week you may have noticed people buried beneath the weight of rectangular rice krispie treats and stacks of pop as they walk to their dorms. This is not uncommon. In fact, it has become the celebrated norm around Mizzou. The meal plan the university offers is currently biting people in the ass. Hard.... MORE »
Turns Out Ugg Boots and Yoga Pants DO Look Stupid Together
You know, this was almost a column dedicated to Ugg boots and yoga pants. Some sort of correlation to improper winter clothing would have been drawn, but let’s be real; that sounds fucking boring. Preaching to the choir, beating a dead horse with a stick, etc. All would be fitting cliche analogies to describe the... MORE »
Girls Gone Wild Over ‘Breaking Dawn’ Release
There have been many sightings of hair pulling, high-pitched shrieking, and glazed over smiles around Mizzou campus as of late ““ and not from the male population. What, you may ask, is causing this extra mania among the females? Hairy canines and dead people. That’s right. Girls... MORE »
“Take an Add Sheet, dammit.”
“Add sheet? Add sheet! Just a guy handing out Add sheets. Who likes a bargain? I know I do. Add sheet! They’re free! Coupons for over a hundred of you’re favorite stores in the greater Columbia area!” “Add sheet? No? Add sheet! No? Here, take an add sheet!….Do what? To myself? That’s not even possible... MORE »
Best Bushes To Piss On After Drinking
Pissing in public whilst moderately intoxicated is nothing new. The body has a high level of urgency when removing potentially excessive amounts of alcohol. Combined with the fear of public scrutiny should one’s bladder evacuate prematurely in a public forum. Results include, but are not limited to, urinating on the sides of buildings and... MORE »
Marching Mizzou feels like “Party Rockin'”
Our marching band “Marching Mizzou” has struggled to gain the respect they deserve. It could be the obnoxious fuzzy hats, the anime band nerd stereotype or that their half time shows include music from the dark ages. But as the band has recently added “I just had sex,” to their playlist, they’ve found a way... MORE »
MU’s move to SEC prompts KFC to open 10 new locations in Columbia
When Chancellor Brady Deaton announced MU was moving to the SEC, Columbia residents knew many things would be changing so the University would better fit into the more southern culture. At the forefront of their concerns: Kentucky Fried Chicken. The lack of Colonel certified buckets of finger lickin’ goodness... MORE »