Halloween was pretty crazy this year for Campus Basement.
From overly revealing costumes to insane frat parties, our writers had plenty to
talk about. One thing that wasn’t mentioned: can we agree not to have Halloween on a Monday anymore? It
makes it so we have like five Halloweens. And that gets to be too much for us old, wrinkly alumni whose
pong skills have deteriorated tenfold since graduation. Anyway, here’s a
gigantic breakdown of all our Campus Basement Halloween madness:
Boss men Alex Piliouras and Brian Weinreich showed us the
most recent Halloween
safety email from the Department of Public Safety, alerting the student
body not to do or wear anything that could be construed as a belief or opinion
(it’s racist).
Samantha Ruddy taught us 10
awesome ways to get kicked out of a Halloween party. Some highlights:
Request that Christmas music is played, drunkenly walk into a random party and
attempt to turn it into a Fight Club, and laugh maniacally whenever anybody
fills their cup full of jungle juice.
Annie S raised awareness of a growing issue amongst freshmen
““ Snowfall
Disremembering Disorder (SDD). Yes people, it snows in central NY, even on
Halloween. Suck it up and wear your sexy costumes anyway.
Leigh wrote an ode
to sluts, acknowledging that Halloween truly is the one time of year when
girls can be free to let their sweater puppies breathe. Turns out any costume
can be slutty if you take a pair of scissors to it and cut it up enough. Even
Jabba the Hutt.
Smalls presented us with a study proving that the
sluttiness of a Halloween costume is not directly proportional to the
costume-wearer’s likelihood of getting laid. Case in point: a student who
stuffed his diaper full of tube socks unfortunately did not hook up.
Apost put up an awesome video
of a fully costumed flash mob/dance party at Cornell. My favorite part was
when they were dancing in the street and holding up traffic, or “the whole
video” as one astute reader noticed.
Leah Folta wrote a candid
open letter humbly requesting that the sexual objectification of women on
Halloween be a two-way street ““ it’s time guys wear sexy costumes, too. Leah
also told us about her (dangerous) drunken
pumpkin-carving escapades, which astonishingly ended with a ton of health
center visits and a pumpkin being set on fire.
Lia Woodward reminded us of Halloween’s true origins: All
Sluts Day, a jolly celebration of sluttiness in which sluts can roam free
without ridicule or judgment. They could also get creative with their costumes,
whether they were a pop culture slut, a librarian slut, or an
anything-she-set-her-mind-to slut.
Eric Pratt catered to the lazy, cheap procrastinators in all
of us by providing a list of 10
fast, frugal, funny Halloween costumes you can make in your dorm. Did you
know: you can be a mummy with just toilet paper and tape? You can also be
“yourself” with no effort whatsoever. Eric also gave us a breakdown
of Halloween in the past vs. how it will be in the year 2013.
Roy Parker took an alternative perspective and listed some
“sexy” Halloween costumes
that you might not want to wear.
First of all, sea turtles are not sexy. Also, if you dress up as a sexy orphan
Annie, the sun will not come out tomorrow; it will be hiding in shame.
Becca Grumet wrote a review of the scary and nude-tacular
new TV series American
Horror Story. It came from the same guys who brought you Glee, so you know
there’s a ton of singing, dancing, and high school glee club family fun!
Abstewart wrote a zinger
of an open letter to girls who might want to reconsider wearing a Playboy
Bunny costume. Before going out dressed as a French maid, ask yourself, “Would
a guy want me to polish his doorknob?”
Brad Babendir imagined 10
potential ironic Halloween hookups. While Teletubbies can make out with
Disney princesses all day, some especially unlikely hookups include Bill
O’Reilly and Michelle Obama, Edward Cullen and Hermione Granger, and Charlie
Sheen and the Virgin Mary ““ all polar opposites.
And finally, I wrote about The
Human Centipede 2. My friend “Gary Shelderblatt” watched it the other night
and could really use a hug.
Oh, and our Halloween
contest is still running for the rest of this week. Check out the album on
our Facebook page. Vote
for your favorite, or if you hate them all, submit your own and we’ll add it.
Most “likes’ gets a $100 Amazon gift card.
———————–
Woof. That’s a lot of Halloween awesomeness. I hope I added enough pretty pictures to keep your attention, and that you
enjoyed reading about slutty costumes and general Halloween debauchery as much
as we loved writing about it!
From the bottom of our smug, sarcastic hearts, we hope you
all had a fun and (somewhat) safe Halloween.
-The Campus Basement Staff
