1. The Toilet Flush – Every so often I have the dire pleasure of taking a dump in one of the Whitman bathrooms. After wiping the piss covered seat clean, and laying down a quarter inch worth of toilet paper, I do my duty, and let loose! Once I finish, I realize the gravity of my situation. I somehow gotta wipe, flush, open the door, and jet out of the stall before the tidal wave of shit-water comes flying back to get me. What I am talking about here is the monstrous toilet spit upon flushing that flies out like a 5-foot loogie of lethal liquid. It’s a race against the clock: flushing, and running out of the stall like a mad man!
2. Ventilation ““ I am fairly certain that something, or someone, has died in the bathroom vents. This has allowed for the appalling smell to simply bask in its horrible aura while permeating through your nostrils. You go in there smelling like daisies, and come out smelling like a sewage facility. Moreover, the bathroom has a wall that faces the outdoors. Why not put a window there?
3. Trashcan ““ Hey, um it’s too fucking small! Paper towels never land in there because it’s always full. Yes, we wash our hands”¦so GET A BIGGER CAN!
4. Toilet Paper ““ This is sort of a more national problem. I call it, “the lucky-two-to-three-sheet toilet paper phenomenon.” Here’s the process. Pull down on toilet paper. Wheel spins. Two square sheets come down. Oops tear. Pull down toilet paper. Wheel spins. Three square sheets come down. Etc”¦ Wiping takes about 10 minutes longer, and people waiting for you think you’ve had massive diarrhea. “No, I had a really important phone call.” That you had to answer in the bathroom? Nice try, Seany boy.