Since the dawn of time, Syracuse has had two big rivals:
UConn and Georgetown. These rivalries have been shared by the entire athletic
department, from basketball to women’s lacrosse to cross-country. Now, though,
Syracuse Football has declared a new rival, independent of the rest of the
school’s sports teams. That rival is: Victory.
“That bastard [Victory] has been destroying our program for
years, with the most embarrassing defeats coming during Greg Robinson’s
tenure,” said Marrone. “There comes a time when, after enough defeats, it
becomes personal. I’ve decided that the time is now to declare Victory a new
personal rival of the Syracuse football team. Sure, we won last week, but come
on. It was Akron.”
The move comes to no surprise to Athletic Director Daryl
Gross. “It was only a matter of time,” said Gross. “Victory has eluded the team
for so long now, he almost had to be
declared as a rival.”
Some students, however, have expressed confusion over the
news. “I don’t really get it,” said Sports Management major Sean Brennar. “If
Victory is a rival, then doesn’t that mean that if we win a game, then we lost
to Victory?”
Marrone responded to the question by stating, “We don’t
foresee that to be a problem. We never win games, so we’ll never have to worry
about it. Just in case, though, I’ll contact the philosophy department to see
what their take is on it.”
