Early on Tuesday morning, bacon added to its candidacy for god-like status by performing a miracle. On that fateful day, bacon saved a life.

Anthony Fabioni was hungry. Not just hungry. He was starving. “I hadn’t eaten in almost 6 hours,” claims Fabioni, still recovering from his near-death experience. “There was nothing in my system except the Ramen noodles I’d eaten around 3 AM.”

Fabioni says that he woke up with “hunger unlike anything [he] had ever felt before. I knew if I didn’t get some food, I was going to die. Or at least that’s what it felt like.”

After looking for some remnants of food in his Lawrinson dorm room and finding none, Fabioni stumbled across the way to Sadler. Witnesses claim that Fabioni resembled “death with legs.” Maya Malik, an RA in Sadler at the time of Fabioni’s arrival, didn’t think that Fabioni would make it much longer. “I thought for sure that he would just fall down the stairs and that would be it.”

But Fabioni traveled on. “As soon Irene swiped my card and said, “Have a nice day!’ I knew I was home free. From there, it was all downhill. I headed straight for the hot food line and filled my plate with whatever was first in the line.”

And what was it that Fabioni used to stuff his emaciated self? Bacon. “Bacon saved my life. Without bacon, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

So it seems that, yet again, bacon has inspired us all to better ourselves. Fabioni concurs. “From now on, I’m going to keep a plate of bacon next to my bed at all times. Just to make sure that something like this doesn’t happen again.”

With yet another feat under its belt, the question remains: is there anything bacon can’t do?

Obviously not.