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January 24, 2013

Phone Screenshots Officially Confirm Syracuse is Coldest Place Ever

Syracuse University students posted hundreds of smart phone screenshots of the city’s weather to social media in the past three days, officially confirming the city is “literally, like, THE coldest place ever.” The sheer number of screenshots showing temperatures that ranged from -65 degrees Celsius to 10 degrees Fahrenheit alarmed scientists, who quickly confirmed the... MORE »

September 22, 2012

DPS Party Busts Cause Sharp Drop in Weekend Violence

In response to an alarming string of violence in the Syracuse campus area in the past few weekends, the Department of Public Safety and Syracuse Police Department created a new initiative to break up every party on campus and the outlying areas. The brilliant initiative yielded immediate results, as violent crimes went down 350% in... MORE »

September 16, 2012

Syracuse Burns Through “It” Money at Announcement Event

Syracuse University held an event on its quad Thursday afternoon to finally reveal the specifics of its heavily discussed “It” campaign. The campaign raised $1 billion from individual donors well before its goal date. The university subsequently spent every cent on tents, mini hot dogs, hamburgers, soda, orange sunglasses, frisbees, video screens, tables, and noisemakers... MORE »