There are some things one should expect upon entering Butler
Library: books, overpriced brownies, the occasional lesbian librarian, stack
elevators covered in green tea and semen. But there is one thing that one would
not expect, yet lives and breeds in the library’s halls like Lindsay Lohan’s
herpes: the BOdorous stench of the fourth floor. Now I know what you may be
thinking: could it be that bad? The short answer: yes. For the long answer,
attempt the following experiment:
Materials:
1) Blender
2) Old-man Asian jockstrap
3) Moldy cheese, preferably a sharp cheddar or bleu
4) A leftover onion from JJ’s Place
5) One of those fancy umbrella toothpicks
6) Gollum’s left foot
Procedure: Put all that shit in a blender and fucking DICE
IT UP. Add the umbrella. That’s what Butler’s fourth floor smells like. I don’t
know if it’s because people sleep and/or decompose there, or if it’s because
that’s where MSG filled beef chow fun goes to die, but what I do know is thus:
come day break, that room is a fucking construction worker and bottle of
hairspray away from a New Jersey dump. So STUDY ONWARDS LIONS! Like a fish to
water and a Barnard girl to a pile of dildos, revel in the stench that has made
the 4th floor of Butler into one of the most infamous places on
campus: the place where M2M pork leftovers go to die.
