It was like any ordinary day for sophomore sports management major Todd Welker. He had just returned to his apartment after a long day of classes and logged onto the immensely popular social networking website, Facebook. While his inbox was void of any new wall posts or friend requests, there was one unique event invitation blaring at him from the site’s homepage.

“Oliver Gerstenblatt’s 20th Birthday Bonanza at Outback Steakhouse!!” read the event title. Below it, the description:

“hey guyz! so as u all probably know by now (since i’ve been talking about it nonstop ““ LOL) my birthday is coming up! i thought that since we all lived on the same floor freshman year, we could have a little reunion get-together at the ol’ Outback!! i don’t have a car but maybe one of you guys does or we could try to take a couple taxis? Gifts are not necessary (unless you want to, haha. i could use a new wii remote”¦) but u do need to bring a smile and a willingness to have a super awesome time! hope 2 c u there :) ”

Welker glanced briefly at the event date and time, which coincided with his fraternity’s techno rave mixer with the hottest sorority on campus. In addition, he had absolutely no idea who Oliver Gerstenblatt was. Still, the sheer earnestness and unbelievably pathetic tone of the invitation almost made Welker feel a little bit guilty for a few brief seconds. This feeling immediately disappeared after his roommate, Carl, kicked in his bedroom door holding a 30 pack of Keystone Light and ardently demanded that they get wasted, like, right now, dude. Knowing that Gerstenblatt’s 20th birthday bonanza was going to be lame as shit and there was no possible way he was ever going to show up, Welker mindlessly clicked the “attending” bubble on the invitation, slammed his laptop shut, and promptly went to the backyard to shotgun a beer with Carl.

SEE MORE »