April 8, 2013

All Girls in Sorority House Hate Drama, Charlotte

  As last nights chapter dinner, many more individual conversations, endless hours of  research, and a recent press release from the sorority have revealed, All the girls in the Theta Delta Chi house have proclaimed that they, “Hate Drama.” Drama has been cast off by this group as, “Shitty,” and, “Annoying,” in the past. The... MORE »

February 1, 2013

Student Asks Question To Prove He Doesn’t Need To Do So

As the second week of the semester closes, the material being covered in classes is finally starting to touch outside the realm of common sense. As we roll into week three the girl getting over some weight issues who just got her fake ID will once again be easier than your classes, and all will... MORE »

December 1, 2012

Path To Laundry Room Left Devastated After Three Days Of Rain

As the residents of the North East third of Cardinal Gardens awoke this morning they found their apartment complex left in total god damn disarray after light rain plagued the region for the better part of the last week. Soggy leaves and downed twigs leave residents who are just trying to make it to the... MORE »

November 29, 2012

USC Puts An End To Student Protest By Re-Mulching Trousdale

With tensions steadily rising in the middle east, the Israeli and Palestinian communities at USC took it upon themselves to show their support by having a protest-off right in the middle of campus. With the actual situation in the middle east not moving forward the student protest were forced to just see who could be... MORE »

November 18, 2012

Matt Barkley Experiences Low-Point Montage After Being Defeated By UCLA

Last night as the UCLA Bruins spiked the ball down to run out the clock and stamp their name on the games victory, both the rains and a sense of extreme disappointment in our quarterback, Matt Barkley, descended over the campus of USC. A downtrodden Barkley, taking the loss to heart, flipped up the collar... MORE »

November 11, 2012

Girl On Bicycle Uses Hand Signals Like An Old Pro

Early this morning, at the intersection of McClintock and Jefferson, a masterful exhibition in balance and composure was held by a student riding her bike through the intersection. Coming from the direction of the Century Apartments, (where the food trucks always park for you freshmen) she elegantly raised her left hand at a seemingly pre-measured... MORE »

November 4, 2012

Candidates Seek Women’s Vote By Slyly Condescending Just Like Mom Used To

With the election swiftly approaching like a hurricane, and each candidate trying to be the one to leave half the nation in devastation, the race for votes has never been closer. Earlier this week Gov. Mitt Romney learned that women now have the right to vote, and that he has completely neglected the demographic. As... MORE »

October 21, 2012

Professor Contemplates Ending It All Saying, “Those Kids Laughing in Lecture Are Right.”

Saturday night, as international relations professor George Witter sat in his leather armchair sipping a 12 year old red wine and watched one of the first copies of his book about the anarchistic nature of the international system slowly be devoured by the flame in his fire place, he began to think about the insignificance... MORE »

October 14, 2012

Assholes Say, “Douchebags Today Just Don’t Respect The Art”

Area man Bill Miller, head of Fellow Assholes Staying Connected to Instill Social Tyranny (FASCIST), held a press conference today to make their disappointment in todays class of douchebags publicly known. Of course by press conference I mean a single flyer posted on the doors outside the gym that I saw someone taking down in... MORE »