What Your
Major Says About You

 

“The mission of Washington University in St. Louis is the promotion of
learning “” learning by students and by faculty. Teaching, the transmission of
knowledge, is central to our mission, as is research, the creation of new
knowledge.”  Though WashU offers more than 90 programs and almost
1,500 courses leading to bachelor’s, master’s and doctoral degrees in a variety
of fields, we’re all just really tired. 
As Kriegman said, we study hard and party harder. 
Our campus is full of overly-driven, relatively-dorky, down-to-party,
will-hook-up, ultimately just-trying-to-graduate students.  So, despite the fact that we attend a
prestigious, world-renown research institution that offers infinite
combinations of majors and minors, most students often revert back to one of
the following seven majors.  And here
is what each says about you.

 

Anthropology ““ If you choose this major, you better
love the colors tan and oatmeal.  Though
you get to say you’re “cultured,” Your parents are paying WashU $55,000 a year
for you to spend your days in a sandbox, pretending you care about the Highland
tribes of Papua New Guinea, when in reality you just weren’t sure what else to
major in.  

 

Art and Architecture ““ Some of you are artsy and some of you are fake artsy and then one
of you is Alana Rosenberg.  It so
confusing.  I used to love drawing
when I was younger too! I used to love Jenga Blocks and Legos! But I knew I was
no van Gogh, no Frank Lloyd Wright. 
If John Beckwith were here, he would say this to you: “I’d like to be pimps from Oakland or
cowboys from Arizona but it’s not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count
Chocula!” Are you really starving-artist material?

 

Business ““ You know what they say”¦ “BSchool PreSchool.”  Clearly your main attraction to Olin
Business School is their no-classes-on-Fridays policy and the darn delicious
aromas wafting out of Einstein’s. 
Some might argue that the business school is hard.  We don’t believe you.  Every project is a group project and every
class is curved. Also, the hallways are a fashion show. 

 

Engineering  ““ You guys are the Wash U equivalent of THE MOLE PEOPLE”¦  you hardly ever see the light of
day.  In fact, the only time I’ve
ever seen an engineering student is when I went to Stanley’s to get a Jake’s Wrap
and to look for Jayce Holly.  But
seriously, you’re ACTUALLY smart.  Personally,
I don’t like to go near Lopata ““ the intensity makes me nervous.  But I like your drive.  It’d be cool if you went out a little
more though.

 

English ““ You’re majoring in reading.  You guys were the ones who always read
the whole book in high school and never resorted to a late night Sparknote
session.  However, if WashU offered
a writing major, which it doesn’t, I think you guys would lose about 75% of
your fellow English majors.  Maybe
when you graduate you can be a professional bedtime story reader!

 

Political Science ““ If you’re a Political Science major, chances
are one of your parents is a lawyer and that you read the newspaper to look
smart. Being well-informed is definitely cool, but at the same time, do you
really care how many votes the House of Representatives needs to pass a piece
of minor legislation? Probably not. You probably started with another, more
work-intensive major, but decided that it “wasn’t for you.”  One thing’s a given, if you’re a Poli
Sci major, you’re probably pretty lazy.

 

Psychology ““ Please, if you are a psych major,
just don’t tell anyone about it. 
You’re probably really insecure and wanting to know what causes it – chemically.  Generally you guys
just can’t decide on anything else. 
Psych 101 is miserable and the rest is just okay.   You’re likely to spend the
majority of your adult life advising sad kids to talk about their feelings.