8:00 AM: Wake up to “Call Me Maybe.” Look in mirror. Wink. Drink blood-infused protein shake.
8:32 AM: Play Sims Rollercoaster Tycoon. Feel in control of the lives of others.
10:00 AM: Skip class for “official” Thurtene business.
10:02 AM: Research shades of yellow. Struggle over whether or not the yellow is too green or too orange. Feel conflicted.
12:30 PM: Drive out to a “storage unit.” Return to campus an hour later with Village stir-fry and realize that this means you unfortunately missed your one o’clock class.
2:00 PM: Sit in Whispers. Type furiously about Thurtene secrets. Quickly close computer whenever anyone walks by. Think about charity. Laugh maniacally.
2:03 PM: Rewrite your resume to highlight your experience in Thurtene Honorary. Get distracted by back-stalking your tagged photos on Facebook.
3:15 PM: Realize that it’s 2012 and could be your last year on this planet and therefore the last Thurtene Carnival ever. Reflect upon your sadness. Vow to spend your final hour wearing a bright yellow coat.
3:50 PM: Look online at different styles of Timberland construction boots.
4:06 PM: Call parents. Try to explain what Thurtene is. Hang up in anger when your parents ask how much of the carnival’s profits go to charity.
4:22 PM: Watch other people lift things. Yell at a girl for wearing Converse sneakers.
5:32 PM: Start studying for an exam. Realize you have more important things to do. Return to researching shades of yellow.
6:14 PM: Regurgitate that key you swallowed last night. Use it to unlock official underground lair where Thurtene performs its human sacrifices. Feel important.
7:46 PM: Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres at Honorary personal storage unit. Spend hours drunkenly discussing how to solve world hunger. Tell no one.
12:36 AM: Read an issue of TIME magazine. Coincidentally flip to a biographical article on Bernie Madoff. Fall asleep dreaming of a world completely yellow and black where money falls down from the sky. Dream that you are flying. Realize this is not a dream. You are actually flying. On an overnight flight (on the Thurtene private jet) for a brief 20 hour expedition to research different skull shapes in a Norwegian archaeological dig.
