Christina Henderson is the hottest girl at Penn State University. It’s a scientific fact. However, she has always been off-limits because of her relationship with Jared Pitt, the luckiest man in the world.
Until now.
On Sunday, Henderson reportedly called things off with Pitt, citing his “incredibly annoying laugh,” as well as his affiliation with “two of the dumbest human beings on the planet,” referring to Pitt’s cronies, Tom Niedermayer and Rob von Trapp.
While Henderson was ending it with Pitt (which he claims was due the fact that he “had too big a dong,” even though everyone knows he was cheating on her with campus slut Samantha Inger and got herpes from her), Dan Loewenherz was bringing all of you the opportunity of a lifetime with his new app designed to alert notify any stalk”¦er, potential suitors that their love interest is now available for their awkward courtships.
According to Loewenherz, the app was used by 40,000 people within the first 36 hours. 83% of them were students at Penn State. (21% of them were females). Because so many people were notified at once that Henderson’s Facebook status had been updated from “In a Relationship” to “Single,” the unprecedented increase in traffic caused Henderson’s Facebook page to be inaccessible for over two hours.
“I didn’t really know what was going on,” says Henderson. “I mean, I’m always pretty sure that tons of guys are looking at my pictures or whatever, but on Sunday it just said that I couldn’t go to my own page. Which sucked, because I really wanted to upload my photos from last weekend where I went to the beach with some of my model friends.”
Added Henderson, “I think there were even some pics of me and some models making out.”
Note to Dan Loewenherz from Penn State students: please make an app that notifies dudes when hot girls upload pictures.
Sincerely,
Stalker Guys
