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Poll: Marist Students Unaware of Library Hours
A recent poll indicates that 99% of Marist students are unaware of Cannavino Library’s hours. In fact, 83% of students believe that the library is only open during the week before midterms, and finals week. “Total mind blow,” said Joe DiMarco, one of the students polled. “Not the fact that students don’t know the... MORE »
Diversity Magazine Near Completion of First Article
Four years after its establishment on the Marist campus, Diversity WORKS, the diversity magazine under the Marist College Affirmative Action Advisory Committee, is almost finished with its first ever article, titled, “The Other Guys: What It’s Like to Be Different.” The magazine consists of five members, an Asian, an African American, a Native American,... MORE »
Marist to Renovate McCann Center, Add Bleachers Section
On Monday, Tim Murray announced that Marist will be renovating the McCann Center to include seating in the gymnasium. Starting next month, the McCann center, which previously had three seats, will feature a bleacher section large enough to seat 50 people. Â According to sources, the renovation has been sparked by a 300-perecent increase in... MORE »
Students Banned from Making Popcorn After 2 AM
Marist has instituted a new policy regarding popcorn-making: all students who wish to make popcorn must do so before two o’clock in the morning. Studies show that 99% of all fire alarms taking place in dormitories occur at an ungodly hour (the average fire alarm sounds around 4:17 AM) and during ungodly weather. The... MORE »
A Conversation at the Registrar’s Office
Last semester, I decided that I needed to drop a class. The problem was that I decided this about three days after the drop deadline. Needless to say, the conversation I had with the “nice” lady in the registrar’s office was “not” pleasant. I think you’ll see what I mean”¦ Mrs. Bitchowski: Next. Me:... MORE »
Marist Population Now 99% Long Island Natives
On Monday, Sarah McGregor transferred to a school closer to her home in Bumblefuck, USA, according to various student accounts. What does this mean for Marist College? Ninety-nine percent of the school was born and raised in Long Island, mothafucka! While these numbers have not been verified, they’re perfectly valid in the eyes... MORE »
Anonymous Students Most at Risk for Robberies
Last week, Marist students received an email about an anonymous girl who was robbed after entering a car she didn’t recognize full of guys she had never met before. This is only one of many similar events to transpire in recent months, all of which happened to anonymous students. In fact, studies show that... MORE »
Addition of Three New Business Classes Brings Total to 157
During the summer, Marist officials added three new business classes to the course catalog, bringing the new total to 157 classes, more than 30 times the number of other classes (there are four psychology classes and one computer science class). “We looked through all of the classes in our school and realized that we... MORE »
Local Native Tribe Claims Ownership of Marist Campus
It’s been years since their appearance, but the original tribe of Poughkeepsie is back, and infuriated. Apparently, Marist College is situated right on land originally owned by the Poughkeepsie tribe. The tribe is currently in talks with President Murray regarding transfer of ownership and legality of using the land. A Marist spokesperson explained, “Well apparently,... MORE »
Jewish Student to Attend Marist
For the first time in its history, Marist College will enroll a student of the Jewish persuasion, despite the fact that Marist has always been a Catholic university. “We are thrilled that Marist College can finally say, proudly, that we have a Jewish student on our campus,” said President Dennis Murray. “This is almost as... MORE »
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