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Roy Parker
Angelina Jolie’s Leg, “I Feel Violated”
Last night at the 84th annual Academy Awards, everyone got a surprise showing of one former Oscar winner’s appendages. While presenting the Oscars for Best Original/Adapted Screenplay, Angelia Jolie popped out her right leg in a dynamic strong woman pose for the entire world to see. While this certainly made an impact on everyone and... MORE »
Trust Me, It Sucks NOT Being Single on Valentine’s Day
To all you single folks out there this Valentine’s Day, you got it lucky. I would give almost anything to not be in a relationship for this upcoming V-Day. Now, the other 364 days out of the year, I completely love having someone to cozy up to late at night. But trust me, there are... MORE »
Giants beat Patriots, America Will Now Be Taken Over by Giantland
As Eli Manning held up the Super Bowl trophy and yet another Super Bowl ring was placed on his finger, our fate was sealed. High above in clouds that fill the skies, the inhabitants of Giantland are currently getting ready to descend down upon us and take over our country. America had placed all their... MORE »
I Have No Idea What the Trojan Knights Do (But I Have a Few Ideas…)
You’ve heard their name all around campus ““ The Trojan Knights. Like magic men hiding in the shadows waiting to be discovered so they can hurriedly dive back into their lair beneath Tommy Trojan, but their work has already been done. As you turn around you can tell that things are better because they were... MORE »
BREAKING NEWS: “The Muppets” Win NOTHING at the Golden Globes”¦ WTF?!
At the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards last night there were many winners, the big ones being “The Descendants,” “The Artist,” “Homeland,” and “Modern Family.” But a night that brings many winners also brings about even more losers. And while people may be upset that “Bridesmaids” didn’t win gold nor did Leonardo DiCaprio walk away... MORE »
The 10 Worst Christmas Albums My Parents Own
Every December 1st, my mom opens 3 cabinet doors in the dining room and pulls out the 5 different containers of Christmas CDs. Why we have this many containers of Christmas CDs, I don’t know. But about every single one gets through rotation at least once during the Christmas season in the family room’s 5-disc... MORE »
To Rick Perry, Love Santa Claus
Dear Gov. Perry, I’m not afraid to admit that the idea of me is a little creepy. I mean, it says in a song that I can see kids when they’re sleeping. And while that’s true, I don’t abuse my position of power to pedophilistically spy on minors nor do I use it to publically... MORE »
Movie Poop Scoop – December 2011 Edition
With the holiday/Oscar season upon us, December brings us a wide variety of films opening in a theatre near you. But what films will be worth your time this month and what ones won’t be? Well, most of them won’t be. Here’s your handy-dandy rundown of what to expect from movies over the next month:... MORE »
Why I Secretly Want to Be a Hipster (and Probably Why You Do Too”¦)
It’s hard to walk outside these days and not pass by someone with a pair of fake horn-rimmed glasses on and set of giant-ass headphones to match. You find these folks hanging out in between buildings, smoking self-rolled cigarettes, wearing their skinny jeans and beanies, and talking about the importance of Stanley Kubrick films in... MORE »