Lia Woodward
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Lia Woodward

Mr. Airport Security, I can assure you there's no need to detain Lia; that sharp object is just her wit. Please stop touching it. Lia is a lady writer in lots of mediums, including but not limited to the internet, screenwriting, prose, and a funny song here and there.
February 29, 2012

Freshman guy seeks serious relationship; Community shocked and confused

The very foundation of college life was rocked today when Dave Dover, an attractive freshman male just like any other, calmly announced to his friends and colleagues over breakfast that all he really wants is a serious, long-term relationship with a classy girl and will settle for nothing less. “I’m a young guy that’s just... MORE »

February 26, 2012

Week in Review: The apple doesn’t fall far from the News!

Your second-best source for the past week’s Daily Trojan Headlines. Office of College Advising tells students to hold off on grad school In the same way that somewhere, a well-meaning high schooler is telling her ugly best friend to hold off on that love confession she’s been planning for a hot guy that has never... MORE »

February 22, 2012

Fresh & Easy & Me: A Love Story

The latest exciting chapter in Lia’s series of open letters to places, not people. Dear Fresh & Easy, For the last few months, the area beneath my apartment has undergone some serious construction to which I truthfully never paid any attention. The irony in my indifference, even annoyance, toward your building process can only be... MORE »

February 15, 2012

Words with Friends with Benefits: An exciting new pastime

Even with Valentine’s Day freshly behind us, sexy sentiments continue to linger in the air thanks to a fun new pastime that recently came to my attention. Until now, Words with Friends was a game strictly reserved for people that had made a cellular commitment to allow only the one true iPhone they loved get... MORE »

February 8, 2012

Housing for “Fire Alarm-Pulling Enthusiasts” burns down in real fire

“It was only a matter of time,” muses Fire Chief Fred as he looks on at the ashen remnants of what was once a tall proud building. About four years ago, USC pooled funds to build a revolutionary special interest housing: an entire building specifically for people that enjoy pulling fire alarms. “When I first... MORE »

February 1, 2012

SAG invites Religious Zealots to receive Acting Lifetime Achievement Award

On Sunday January 29th 2012, right across the street from USC, the 18th annual Screen Actors Guild Awards took place on schedule at the Shrine Auditorium. This year’s ceremony was particularly special on account of a few familiar, giant-hateful-poster-wielding guests of honor. Many a student knows it’s difficult to attend a large event or even... MORE »

January 29, 2012

Week in Review: You can run, but you can’t News!

Your second-best source for this week’s Daily Trojan headlines. Latino Empowerment Speakers Series brings a dozen high-ranking politicians and city officials to campus for fireside chats with students. If things get awkward, that’s what the rotation is for, but ideally it will be very romantic. Café 84 to be replaced by “healthier dining hall” this... MORE »

January 25, 2012

New college restaurant opens, “Ramen & Pepperoni Sandwich” gets rave reviews

Campus was all atwitter in reaction to the opening of the latest, hottest restaurant in town: LiSa’s College Restaurant. Note the prominent S that definitely makes the name LISA and not LIA. I most certainly am not responsible for starting this restaurant, probably. Moving on, last week LiSa’s College Restaurant opened its repainted door (that... MORE »

January 18, 2012

Wisdom teeth removal becomes latest winter fashion trend; Spike in dumb decisions “unrelated”

This past winter break, students embraced the season’s latest fashion must-haves, including but not limited to scarves, pea coats, sweatpants and wisdom-toothless mouths. No one is quite sure who started it, but within days of beginning winter vacation, students were clamoring for the nearest oral surgeon to work his/her magic. After giving itself a high... MORE »