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Article by sshocket
December 6, 2010

UCLA Football Team Sleeps Through Second Half of Saturday’s USC-UCLA Game

This Saturday, USC defeated long-time rival UCLA 28 to 14 in their annual football matchup; however, the UCLA football team wasn’t around to see their embarrassing defeat. The team spent the second half of the game sleeping in the locker rooms at the Rose Bowl. According to offensive coordinator Norm Chow, the team decided to... MORE »

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Article by sshocket
December 6, 2010

Bacon-wrapped ghetto dogs receive 5-star Zagat review

Leonard Zagat, a local homeless man, recently awarded a five-star review to a bacon-wrapped hot dog sold by a local street vendor on Saturday’s game day. The food enthusiast, who sleeps under the Vermont Ave. I-10 on-ramp, said it was “the best godderned piece of shit I’ve licked all week.” Zagat’s review came shortly after... MORE »

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Article by sshocket
December 6, 2010

Study finds direct relations between skill of film student, color of flannel shirtӬӬ

A recent study conducted by the USC School of Cinematic Arts indicates that a student’s prowess as a filmmaker can be determined by the color of his or her flannel shirt.”¨”¨ The findings come after months of peer reviewed testing on a random sampling of cinema students. To little surprise, green flannel nabbed the lead... MORE »

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Article by Leah Folta
December 31, 1969

Survey says: 96% of women’s friends “could do so much better”

When polled randomly about their heterosexual lady-friends’ objects of affection, 96% of female students claimed a decisive “she could do so much better!” Follow up quotes from those surveyed were illuminating about the reasons why: “I tell her she could do so much better every day,” one freshman says sadly. “In a world with, like,... MORE »