Yo dawgs,

In case you ain’t heard, mad bitches is hatin’ on U Albany this week. Yeah, we know how to party. No bigz. Everybody should party like us.

Put it this way: if your car is in one peace when your done partying, then you ain’t done partying.

The real reason people are hatin’ is because there jealous. Plain and simple. Y’all wish you had dicks as big as us and could party like we do. But you can’t. Your just a bunch of dork pussies. Even the cops were jealous. That’s why they tried to shut us down. Fuck them man. Fuck the establishment. You can’t handle U Albany. Bunch of pussies.

Yeah, I threw a TV at an 8-year-old. No bigz.

Everybody who was their knows that was the best Kegs and Eggs ever. It was definitely the best one I’ve ever been to, and I can’t wait for the next three. Their gonna be even better. So stop hatin’.

Yeah, I killed a poodle. That’s how we party. No bigz.

Next year I’ma bring a grenade launcher, two bottles of moonshine and a huge purple dildo. That’s how I roll, you pussies. No bigz. You can’t handle us.

Grow a dick, drink some gasoline, and lets light this bitch up. Also, if any cops ask, I wasn’t they’re. You bitches can’t prove anything.

Fuck the establishment.

-Jacob “THE REAL PAPI” Katz