USC has ruined movies* for me. Despite being a film major, it
wasn’t the School of Cinematic Arts that destroyed the mirage Hollywood created in my pre-college days. Instead, I hold Bovard, Trousdale, Doheny, and VKC accountable.
Hell, even Taper and GFS had a hand in killing the magic of movies.
I present to you an expose on the films USC has annihilated with its perpetual photogenicism. Beginning, of course, with the finest piece of USC-tainted cinema: Legally Blonde.
Prior to coming to college, I believedElle Woods went to Harvard Law. Sure, my suspension of
disbelief was being tested, but to some extent I bought it. Recently, I tried
to relive my middle school Reese Witherspoon obsession via watching Legally Blonde“¦ And instead of being
impressed by Elle Woods’ ability to be a committed sorority president turned
Harvard Law valedictorian ““ I was impressed by how the trees next to Bovard
actually look like fall trees.
I wish I had been there the day VFX guy was chilling in GFS.
I SHOULD UPLOAD THIS TO USC MEMES!!!
Before leaving the Ivy League, I have to give a shout out to
Gilmore Girls, the show that I
pretend to relate to during the tumultuous
period of my life that was eighth grade. Though I will always be Team Jess,
I can’t ever watch Rory graduate from Yale again. That’s an auditorium,
Hollywood. Not a dorm/random building to hold graduation in front of.
TEAM JESS 4 LyF3!
Sometimes I hold off on watching classics because I really
want to savor the experience. I was planning on doing that with The Graduate, until I walked in on my
friends watching it. All I could see was Dustin Hoffman chilling next to
Doheny, not some recent college grad contemplating his relationships with the
Robinson women. I mean, as often as I sit on that fountain, thinking about my
complicated relationships with much older women/their daughters, it’s a little
awkward to watch Hoffman do it. Especially since he doesn’t almost get hit
by a longboarder even once.
“MMM, USC’s Campus is soooo dreamy! Just like Mrs. Robinson’s daughter!”
Last semester, I watched seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in six weeks
(primarily during finals week, go me). I encourage you to do the same because
Joss Whedon is a genius and so is that show, but you’ll find Season 2, Episode
20 a little distracting. First of all, Wentworth Miller is a guest star (distracting)
and more relevantly, the whole episode is centered around the PED pool. (Also
Buffy’s high school reps Trojan colors ““ coincidence? I think not).
Yes Buffy is on Netflix, I’m so glad you asked! Go watch it!
Finally, I end on an incredibly devastating note. I will
never be able to invest in a GoGo My Walking Pet Furreal Friend because I know it’s
a product built on lies: those girls are not old enough to attend USC and I’ve
never seen a popcorn machine in Founder’s Park.
*Not all movies, just the ones it puts itself in.