Those of you like me who live in the Clairmont Tower are familiar by now with the water temperature woes that characterize our wretched existence. At any given time, all the water in the building is either colder than Hoth or hotter than the inside of a tauntaun on Mustafar.

That’s a problem when you’re trying to take a shower in the morning, because even when you manage to adjust the faucet just right and hit the Goldilocks temperature that is neither too hot or too cold, there’s no guarantee that it’ll stay that way for longer than fifteen seconds. In fact, you can always be sure that it will swing wildly “” the part that’s unclear is which way it will go. You can never tell whether you’re about to be boiled alive or covered in a sheet of ice.

My hypothesis is that Emory has hired someone to mess with the water temperature all morning. This forces students to leap howling out of the shower several minutes earlier than they intended, thus saving water. It fits perfectly into the administration’s wacko socialist left-wing tree-hugger “Sustainability” campaign. They may not be able to stop you from dumping all your recyclables down the trash chute, but they’ll be damned if they let you take a shower that lasts longer than two minutes.
IT’S TIME TO FIGHT BACK, EMORY STUDENTS! Tough it out “” every additional minute of shower you can stand is another minute of defeat for Emory’s diabolical water-saving schemes.
Disclaimer: wasting water is also a defeat for polar bears and other soft, fluffy creatures threatened by global warming. However, think about this: if your roles were reversed and a POLAR BEAR had to get out of the shower to save YOU, do you think he would? Of course not! He probably wouldn’t even get out unless you were standing right there in the bathroom, and even that would only be to eat you!