A recent survey has shown that procrastination is the key to success (procrastinationrocks.com.) How one can become a master procrastinator is the million dollar question. Listed below are ten helpful tips to prevent you from reaching your goals! And relax! If you are reading this article you are most likely well on your way to becoming a master procrastinator.


1) Venture into Trimble Hall and walk up and down the floors. Count the various critters you see crawling throughout the building. If you haven’t spotted the gigantic squid and counted up to 45 things, you know you haven’t been searching long enough. (Caution: Emory is not responsible for your safety once you step foot in Trimble. Explore at your own risk).

2) Type “Jeremy Lin” into Google.

3) Go to any Emory varsity sports game. Wait, this might actually make you want to go back to studying.

4) Go to the DUC and count everything that has expired or is literally inedible.

5) Go to the first floor of the library or to Jazzman’s Café (everyone else there is looking to procrastinate too).

6) Type “procrastination” into Google.

7) Type “Jeremy Lin” into Google again and see what new puns have come up.

8) Try to find an Emory Varsity Football player. (This one takes a lot of determination.)

9) Count as many buildings as you can whose names have sexual connotations. (Cox Hall, Longstreet, B. Jones center (AKA BJ Center), the Sac at Clairmont, and Anal Hall– check the accuracy of this one.) Be creative and find the others!

10) Most importantly, read Emory Basement! We will be more than happy to provide you with all the material you need to procrastinate!

Don’t let your friends and family tell you to stop procrastinating, because research proves that procrastination will lead to good grades and success here at Emory as well as in the professional world. Follow these ten steps and you are well on your way to becoming a master procrastinator. Now I’ve got to go. This article is due in five minutes.