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February 8, 2012

Nets overjoyed to meet their idols: Ramapo Basketball Team

With the recent news that the Ramapo College graduation has been moved from the band shell to the Prudential Center; many Nets players are overcome with joy. “I really hope that the Ramapo College basketball team can show us a thing or two about how to win games,” Nets Point Guard Deron Williams stated in... MORE »

February 1, 2012

Ramapo Cafeterias to put Laxatives in Food to Combat Obesity Epidemic

The obesity epidemic has taken our nation by storm. Millions of Americans have been affected by the greasy and fatty foods that are served around our country’s schools. As the problem continues to worsen, the U.S. government has been coming up with new creative ways to solve the problem. One of the newest most innovative... MORE »

January 25, 2012

Ramapo Reservation to Legalize Marijuana

Mahwah, NJ- Bergen County Prison is filled to its capacity due to the excessive amount of Ramapo College Students smoking reefer at the Ramapo Reservation. “We no longer have the resources to house these delinquents. We have no other choice but to legalize marijuana.” “The views in the Reservation are great and enjoying them high... MORE »

January 16, 2012

Drake to stop using N word after being reminded he’s not black

Toronto, Canada- First, Jay-Z stops using the word bitch because he has a daughter and now Drake pledges to stop saying the N word. Drake was recently reminded by his friend and colleague Lil Wayne that he is not completely black and that some people may take offense to his excessive use of the N... MORE »

January 6, 2012

2012 Commencement Speaker Draft

#1 Pick TCNJ: Kim Jong Un Kim Jong Un continued the family tradition of inflicting human rights violations by ordering the killing of potential defectors from North Korea. Don’t worry anti-human rights supporters; there’ll be more where that came from. TCNJ hopes that Un also kills it at the May graduation by not only giving... MORE »

December 23, 2011

Ramapo Athletes Question Coach’s Motives After Lack of Touching

Members of the Men’s Basketball team were distraught Wednesday, after Coach Jones refused to grope them after the game. This isn’t the first time players have come forward about Coach J. refusing to touch them. On several instances over the course of the season, players have openly claimed that they lack a little inspiration. “You... MORE »